


Infinity

by Taybay14



Category: Supernatural
Genre: (the orgy is just one chapter... bad decisions, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Fraternity, Angst, College AU, Dean likes to sleep around, Drug Abuse, Dysfunctional Family, Eventual Smut, Fluff, Fraternities & Sororities, Mental Health Issues, Nerdy Castiel, Not as dark as these damn tags are sounding I swear.., Orgy, Partying, Past Child Abuse, Popular Dean, Sexuality Confusion, Slow Build, Very little almost nonexistent homophobia
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-28
Updated: 2017-01-27
Packaged: 2018-05-29 14:56:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 30,774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6380767
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Taybay14/pseuds/Taybay14
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Castiel Novak heard that his two best friend’s wanted to live next to a fraternity his reaction was simple: hell no. But the rent was ridiculously low, and it was the only house within walking distance of the school that didn’t seem to be condemned. He figured he could just ignore the parties and naked girls. He was actually managing quite well. That is, until a certain fraternity President ended up outside his window. It went downhill from there.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

“The course of true love never did run smooth.” Castiel had read the same line three times, trying to concentrate despite the music wandering in from next door. He hated living in the small house next to the biggest fraternity on campus, but the rent was cheap - especially split with his two friends Charlie and Chuck. Castiel glanced at the small alarm clock on his desk, groaning. It was 2:47 and that damn party hadn’t even begun to die down.

Just as Castiel started reading the line for the fourth time he heard a bang right outside his window, followed by a loud, “son of a bitch.” He stood quickly and pulled the curtain back. A dark figure was lying in the grass a few feet away, not moving.

“Shit.” Castiel mumbled, pulling on a t-shirt and rushing to the door. The cool autumn air made him shiver as he rounded the corner of his house. The figure was sitting up now. As Castiel moved closer the light from his bedroom hit the figures face just right “Shit.” He mumbled again. It would be his luck that the figure would be Castiel’s biggest annoyance, Dean Winchester. The president of the incredibly loud and inappropriate fraternity next door.

“Who’s there?” Dean yelled, his words slurring. Castiel stepped into the light, even though he would rather just walk away.

“Hey Mr. President.” Castiel said sarcastically, kneeling down a few feet away from where Dean was sitting.

“Oh, great. The fun sucker has arrived.” He went to get up but failed miserably, falling on his ass. Castiel rolled his eyes. He dealt with Dean weekly, sometimes daily, but he had never seen him this drunk. In fact, he was usually sober when Castiel came to complain about noise or garbage on his lawn.

“Do you want help getting inside?” Castiel wasn’t sure what made him ask. He couldn’t stand Dean, but there was something different about him right now. He looked so lost.  
“Don’t need your fucking help.” He slurred, waving Castiel off. All sympathy drained out of Castiel in that moment. He stood up, wondering why he even bothered. As he turned around Dean cleared his throat. “Have you ever wished someone would die?”

That stopped Castiel in his tracks. He slowly turned around, but Dean continued before he had a chance to answer. “I want my dad to die.” He laughed and shook his head. “What does that make me?”

Castiel stood there for a moment, stunned silent. Dean’s hands shook as he stared up at Castiel, his eyes open wide.

“Dean.” Castiel said, barely above a whisper. He couldn’t think of anything else to say. Dean rubbed a hand down his face, smiling softly.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have dumped that on you.”

“It’s fine.” Castiel said, offering a weak smile. “Let’s get you back inside.”

“No.” Dean said quickly. “That’s the last place I wanna be at the moment. I can’t fucking breathe in there.”

“Okay.” Castiel felt awkward now. “You can crash at my place if you want.”

Before Dean could say anything, someone called his name in the distance. Both boys froze, holding their breath. The voice called again, this time a lot closer.

“Well,” Dean sighed, standing slowly and wiping the dirt off his jeans. “Duty calls.”

“You don’t have to go back you know.” Castiel wasn’t sure why he said it. None of this was any of his business. But the way Dean had looked earlier when he suggested going inside, the way his chest seemed to collapse - it was familiar.

“I’ll be fine.” Dean waved him off, walking towards the voice calling for him. Castiel should have gone home. He should have kept his mouth shut and nothing would have changed. But he didn’t.

“Dean.” He shouted at the retreating figure. Dean paused, but didn’t turn. “It makes you human.” Castiel swore he saw a weight lift off Dean’s shoulders. He kept moving, not acknowledging the comment, but what Castiel didn’t know was that he just gave Dean what he needed to go in that house and be able to breathe.

When Castiel sat at his desk again it was at 3:09 am. The music hadn’t died down at all and his brain wasn’t any less tired, but when he read that line for the fourth and final time, he finally understood. “The course of true love never did run smooth.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These first few chapters are short but then they get longer! Also, sorry for the slow update on this second chapter. I'm transferring colleges and in the process of moving to a different state so I'm swamped. The story is complete though so I will now be able to update regularly! Enjoy (:

Dean pushed through the crowd of people, fighting his way to the kitchen. He just made a fool out of himself with the douche next door and he was pissed. He wasn’t sure what he was searching for until he found it- in the form of a tall, skinny red head leaning against the fridge. 

“Anna.” Dean yelled over the music. Her head snapped up, a smile spreading on her lips. She pushed off the fridge and headed toward him. Slinking an arm around her waist, he pulled her towards the hall. They quickly made their way towards his room, the crowd thinning out as they went further. Dean typed in the pin to his suite, making sure Anna didn’t see. It was fraternity rule number one; no one but the president can know the President Suite code. 

There were two things Dean loved most about Anna. She used him for sex just as much as he used her, and she didn’t take his bullshit. Dean was hoping for the first one tonight, but when she took a seat in the big arm chair instead of the bed he knew he was about to experience option two. 

“You’re wasted.” She said, her voice deadpan as she crossed her arms. Dean sat on the bed, facing her.

“I’ve had a bit.” 

“You’re wasted.” She repeated. Dean buried his pounding head in his hands. “What happened to staying sober?”

“Get off my ass. I was sober for two fucking months.”

“Key word. WAS.” She crossed her arms, but she wasn’t judging him, which Dean was thankful for. Anna listened and interpreted. She didn’t judge. 

“Would you please just get naked?” Dean pleaded. 

“Nope. You already got one drug today. You don’t get another.”

“It didn’t work.” Dean yelled, his blood boiling. The silence that followed was deafening. 

“It never does.” She whispered after a deep breath. She shook her head. “That’s the problem.” 

“I have a lot of those.” He whispered, throwing himself back on the bed. They sat in silence for a while. Long enough for the DJ to play the fraternity’s signature last song, Closing Time. Anna actually thought Dean was asleep until a quiet sob broke the silence. 

“What happened?” She asked quietly. She knew it was probably not an easy answer, but she hoped he would try. 

“John. He spent it. All of it.” His voice was shaking, straddling the line of sadness and fury. 

“Spent what?” Dread filled Anna. Anything to do with John was usually bad, but she hadn’t seen Dean like this since John hit Sam back when they were Seniors. 

“Sammy’s college fund. Everything I saved for him.” Dean closed his eyes in grief. “He fucking spent it.”

“Oh, Dean.”

“It’s fine.”

“Dean.”

“Anna. I need,” He sat up, putting his head in his hands. “I need,” He started sobbing, his body shaking hard. “I need-”

“I know Dean.” Her hands ran through his hair, pulling him towards her. She let him flip her over, his lips mashing against hers. “I know Dean. It’s okay.”

His crying slowed as they moved together, his hands frantically pulling at the button of her jeans. The sharp pain in his chest faded to a dull ache when he finally pushed in. The whole time a voice kept playing through his mind. “It makes you human.”


	3. Chapter 3

The thermos of steaming hot coffee warmed Castiel’s hands. Crisp morning air stung his skin as he walked across campus, cursing his 8 am class. Whoever thought an economics class at 8 in the fricken morning was a good idea was wrong. Very wrong. His mind was focused on the Shakespeare analysis essay he needed to write that night. He didn’t even notice the guy walking too slow in front of him until it was too late. 

Before he could stop himself, he ran straight into the one and only Dean Winchester. Hot coffee went flying as Castiel fell on his ass. Dean whipped around, a shocked look on his face. “I’m sorry!” he said quickly, sinking down on one knee to check on Castiel. His cashmere sweater was soaked, his skin was burning, and now he had no coffee to get him through his next lecture. 

“It’s fine.” Castiel grumbled, even though it was clearly not. He should have stayed in bed that morning, economics was not worth all this. 

“I’m fighting a killer hangover, definitely dragging this morning. My bad.” Dean offered him a slow smile. “I’m sorry.”

“I said its fine!” Castiel spat out. 

Dean stood up, offering Castiel a hand up. Castiel stared at it for a moment, then got up by himself. Dean took a few steps back, hiking his backpack up. “You really don’t like me, do you?”

“Nope.” Castiel pulled his sweater off, deciding to be late to class so he could rinse it off in the nearest bathroom. The expensive sweater was worth the awkward stares from everyone when he was late. He started walking towards the building to his right but to his great annoyance, Dean followed. After a minute or so Castiel sighed. “Can I help you with something?”

“Why the hatred?”

“Why do you care?” Castiel asked through gritted teeth. 

“Humor me.” Dean smiled, his green eyes sparkling. 

“Not sure where to start Mr. President. There’s the fact that I spend an average of four nights a week lying awake praying for the sound of that stupid closing time song so I can get some god damn rest. There’s the trash that’s constantly all over my fricken lawn every morning. Oh, and of course the fact that in the last 24 hours I haven’t been able to get away from your stupid, smug face.” Castiel was practically screaming now, breathing hard. 

Dean let out a slow whistle, shaking his head. “Alright. I can’t help the fact that you chose to live next door to a frat house man, although I will make sure the pledges see to it that your lawn is cleaned every morning.” Dean took two long steps and stopped, successfully cutting Castiel off from walking away. “As for the fact that you can’t seem to escape me, I really haven’t been trying but I also can’t say that I’m upset to see you. I actually wanted to talk to you about what happened last night.”

“Don’t worry about it.” Castiel said with a shrug, looking anywhere but at Dean. Honestly last night was really weird for Castiel. He had spent the first month of his sophomore year hating Dean and his stupid fraternity. They had rarely interacted and Castiel still hated him for some reason. The guy just had a way of getting under his skin, especially with the way he was talking last night. Castiel had felt that way about his family before. He didn’t like being reminded of it. 

“I just wanted to apologize if I made you uncomfortable. I usually don’t drink, it was uncharacteristic and inappropriate.” Castiel found it odd that the president of the biggest fraternity on campus would be against drinking, but he could tell that Dean wasn’t very orthodox. 

“Like I said, don’t worry about it.” Dean huffed, shaking his head. The air between them shifted with tension. 

“Don’t worry, I won’t. Sorry for even bringing it up asshole.” Dean pushed past Castiel, shoving him hard with his shoulder. Castiel stumbled back but didn’t say anything. He knew he was being a jerk, but he wanted Dean to stay away from him. Dean stirred up memories that Castiel didn’t want to remember, and he gave him a feeling in his gut that he didn’t like.


	4. Chapter 4

The problem on the projector was like a foreign language to Dean. Between his massive headache and the fact that he had skipped the past two lectures, the formula didn’t even seem possible. “Fuck calculus.” Dean muttered, checking his phone. He squinted at the obnoxiously bright screen. He had a text from his best friend and Vice President of the fraternity, Crowley. 

C: Met w/ the president of Alpha Gama Delta. All set for the   
Mixer Saturday. Meeting @ 8pm sound good?

Dean flipped through his mental planner, then sent Crowley a text back saying it was a plan. He wondered if they could have the party at the Alpha Gamma house instead of his, but caught himself. The only reason he would change the plan would be to give a certain neighbor some peace. He was not about to screw with his fraternity just to please the grumpy fun sucker next door, even if he was sexy as hell. 

He tried to focus his attention on the problem, but even with the teacher walking the class through it, he was lost. He started doodling on the corner of his notebook, his mind wandering to the horrifying conversation last night. The look on Castiel’s face when Dean told him how he felt about his dad was one Dean would rather not see again. Not that he cared what Castiel thought about him, because he didn’t. Not at all. 

His phone buzzed again, another text from Crowley lighting up the screen.

C: Beer pong tournament tonight?  
D: Yeah, I was thinkin’ bout a black light party actually. Could  
use some painted chicks in my life. Have pledges pick up the shit  
C: Will do boss

Dean rolled his eyes. All the guys call him boss or Prez, but Crowley was the only one who did it sarcastically. Their relationship had always been pretty love/hate. Dean wasn’t going to complain though. Besides Anna, Crowley was the only person who knew about his past, at least most of it. He at least knew how fucked up his family was. He knew about his drinking problem. Everyone else thought he didn’t go home for the holidays because of obligations for the fraternity. Everyone else thought he drank at parties, no one realizing that they never actually saw him take a drink. Everyone just saw a guy who had fun and liked fucking hot girls. 

Of course, he also liked fucking hot boys, but that was a secret- even to Anna and Crowley. Well, Anna had her suspicions, but Crowley was oblivious thankfully. Eventually he would come out to everyone. He wasn’t in denial, or a homophobe, he just needed time. He wanted to accept it himself before he asked anyone else to. Of course, the crab ass next door was getting more and more appealing. Last night was the first time they had an actual conversation, instead of Castiel just yelling while Dean tried to keep a straight face, and now that Dean’s had a hit he wanted more. 

He began plotting different ways to annoy Castiel, deciding his new favorite thing was to push his adorable buttons. Dean caught himself smiling and snapped out of it, deciding it would be a terrible idea anyway. Screwing the boy next door would be complicated. Plus, Castiel seemed like the type to write poetry and want roses and candle lit dinners. That shit wasn’t for Dean. He screwed people, he didn’t love them.


	5. Chapter 5

There were two half naked frat boys outside his house, drinking out of bright green cups. They had neon paint swirled all over their skin, making them look other worldly. “Checkin’ out the artwork?” Chuck asked, laughter in his voice. Castiel jumped back from the window, making Chuck laugh again. 

“Why do you think they have paint all over them?” Castiel asked, trying to sound casually curious. 

“If you asked my psych teacher she could probably go into the complexity of it for hours.” Chuck sighed deeply. “But, since that would take a long time I have a feeling it’s probably a black light party.”

“Sounds-” Castiel looked outside again, now staring at Dean sauntering towards the guys. His breath caught as he took in the tribal print paint all over his tan skin. 

“Sounds like what Cas?” Chuck asked, a knowing smile on his face.

“Stupid.” Castiel said, looking away from the scene outside his window. “Sounds pretty stupid.”

“Sounds like fun if you ask me.” Charlie yelled from the other room. Chuck nodded in agreement. 

“I have a paper to write.” Castiel mumbled, heading towards his room. By the time he opened his laptop and flipped to the right page in A Midsummer Nights Dream, music was blaring from the house next door. He let out a loud sigh and rolled his eyes, a dull ache starting between his eyes. 

A page and a half into his paper, the dull ache had grown into a sharp pain. The sound of glass shattering made Castiel jump in his desk chair. He glanced out his window, his anger growing when he saw all the people overflowing into his yard. It was too dark to get a good look at the lawn but he was sure it was trashed. Dean better keep his word about cleaning it after the party. 

The song switched and he was pretty sure the music got louder, if that was even possible. Castiel looked at his clock; it’s 12:27. This would not be a repeat of last night. Castiel was sick of this shit. With a rush of adrenaline going through his system he pulled on a pair of jeans and yanked a shirt over his head. 

When he stormed past the living room both his friends sat up straight. “Where you going?” Chuck yelled.

“Where do you think?” He yelled back, grabbing the door knob and pulling hard.

“Finally!” Charlie cheered, turning around on the couch to look at Castiel. She gave him a big smile and he figured she though he was going to have fun instead of throw a tantrum. 

He made his way across his trashed lawn towards the big red door. For a second he considered knocking but realized how stupid that would be. No one would hear him over the ridiculous music. 

Within the first minute of arriving through the door to hell, a lot of things happened at once. When Castiel walked in the music was even louder, no longer muffled from the barrier of the house. The black lights all over made all the people and cups glow bright. A girl ran over to him, pulling at his shirt. He thanked the lord that he didn’t wear an expensive one as she threw it to the ground. He was so shocked he didn’t even fight her when she started smearing paint on his body. 

She yelled something but he shook his head, not being able to hear her over the blaring techno song. She laughed and waved it off. Whatever she wanted to say wasn’t important. A guy walked by with a tray of shots and the girl grabbed two. She handed one to Castiel before throwing her own back. Castiel followed suit, not sure what else to do. The paint on his body was glowing as he shifted in the light. Before he could ask where Dean was, the girl had faded back into the crowd. 

Castiel walked through the crowd, squinting to look for Dean. Bodies kept brushing against him, and an arm reached out to grab his waist. A tall, burly guy was beginning to grind against his ass. Castiel stood still for a moment, not even caring at this point. After a few seconds he even let his body move with the guy behind him . In the end, Dean found him. 

“Mind if I take over?” A voice shouted over the music, tapping the shoulder of the guy grinding on Castiel. The guy faded away quickly, already on the lookout for someone else. Dean studied Castiel for a minute, then grabbed his arm and started pulling. The crowd automatically thinned as Dean pushed his way through, bringing Castiel up the staircase to a room. “Look at the wall.” He instructed. 

Castiel did what he was told, listening to the beeping as Dean typed the passcode in. Then he was being pushed through the door, into the cool air of a large bedroom. When Dean closed the door behind them the music sounded incredibly faraway. Castiel stared at his surroundings for a moment, trying to figure out what to say. 

“I thought you were too cool to party?” Dean sat down on his bed, looking up at Castiel as he stood there awkwardly. Castiel crossed his arms over his chest. 

“I don’t believe I ever said that.” 

“It was implied.” Dean watched him. His eyes scanned the skin covered in paint and he smiled. “You’re even participating in the activities. I’m impressed.”

“It wasn’t voluntary.” 

“Whatever you say.” Dean glanced around the room, just noticing that it was a total mess. His eyes landed on a sky blue bra just as Castiel’s did. He cringed but the boy didn’t acknowledge it. “What are we interrupting tonight? Studying? Essay? The search for world peace?”

“Essay.” Castiel kicked a pair of boxers out of the way and sat down in the chair next to the bed. Dean shifted so he could see him better. “Shakespeare.”

“Ew. I can’t do Shakespeare.”

“Have you ever tried?”

“Of course. We read Romeo and Juliet in high school.” Castiel almost gagged. 

“If you’re going to write off Shakespeare, you have to read something other than that play for God’s sake. Even Shakespeare makes fun of that play in his other plays. It’s sad that it’s the go to for teachers.” Dean raised an eyebrow at the passionate reaction. Castiel noticed and blushed. “Sorry, I’m an English major.”

“No reason to apologize.”

“What’s your major, anyway?”

“Social Work.”

“Yeah. Right.” Castiel threw his head back to laugh but Dean didn’t smile. Castiel froze, not sure what to say. “For real?”

“Why can’t I be a social worker?”

“You just don’t seem like the type to care. As terrible as that sounds.” Castiel scratched the back of his head. 

“Just because I don’t have much sympathy for the fact that you chose to live next to this fraternity doesn’t mean I’m a terrible person. I’m not.”

“I wouldn’t have chosen this neighborhood if I knew how obnoxious you all are.”

“Come on, Castiel. Get the stick out of your ass.”

“There is nothing in my ass.” The air shifted between them for a moment. Dean stared into Castiel’s bright blue eyes, trying to decide what direction to take. He could either keep going with his anger, and probably spiral himself into another drunken stupor by the end of the night, or try and joke. He chose the latter. 

“Maybe there should be.”

“Excuse me?” Castiel asked, looking shocked. 

“You heard me.” They both stared at each other, each one waiting for the other to crack. Eventually it was Castiel. 

“I just came over to ask if you could wrap it up a little early tonight. If it’s not possible I will understand. I’ll just head to the library.” Castiel stood up, brushing past Dean and putting his hand on the door knob. Dean stood up too, not sure what to say or do. 

“It’s a beer pong tournament tonight. The thing doesn’t even start for another half-hour.” Dean glanced at the clock. “The library might be safest.”

“Great. Thanks for the heads up.” Castiel said quietly, opening the door and slamming it shut behind himself. Dean closed his eyes, running a hand down his face. What was he getting himself into?


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am literally spamming you guys with chapters right now to apologize. For some ridiculous reason (okay, most likely because I'm a new mom who is constantly running on three hours of sleep) I posted a later chapter as chapter three for some reason. It's fixed now but I apologize to anyone who read it and was confused as hell. I apologize, again.

The party started getting a little wild as the night went on. By 2 there were people on the roof and a girl streaking down the street. Dean ended up hunkering down in his bedroom once his team lost their spot in the beer pong tournament. He had his Calculus book open, trying to focus on studying for his upcoming test. He had already been forced to drink a little during the game to keep up appearances. His head was just starting to feel fuzzy, and he couldn’t help but notice there was still a bottle of whiskey under his desk. 

After another ten minutes of trying to study he decided he had two options. He could get drunk and start trying to get sober tomorrow, or he could grab his stuff and try to find Castiel at the library. He reached down under his desk, grabbing his backpack. He crammed his book and notebook into the bag, then paused and stared at the bottle of whiskey. He grabbed it and threw it inside his bag, deciding he would drink if Castiel didn’t want to see him. He made sure to lock his door behind himself, taking the back hallway to the fire escape. No one would let him leave if they saw him trying. He was sure everyone probably thought he was banging some girl up in his room right now, the only acceptable reason to leave his own party. 

When he jumped off the fire escape he made his way around the yard, sneaking past a group of people by covering his face. Once he hit the street he started fast walking, realizing how stupid the plan was. Their school’s library was only two blocks away from where they lived, but he had no idea how he would find Castiel once he arrived. It was five levels, and each level spread out across a fairly large area. On top of that, he wasn’t even sure Castiel was still there. 

The girl at the front desk didn’t look impressed when Dean showed up a few minutes later, slightly out of breath and probably smelling like a frat house. He just hoped he got all of his paint off, not wanting to look like a total moron as he walked around. “Can I help you?” She asked as he handed her his student ID. He figured she might remember Castiel if the library hadn’t been too busy. 

“I’m looking for a kid with really messy hair. Bright blue eyes.” Dean shifted, trying not to notice how gay that sounded. He shook his head. “His name is Castiel. He’s-”

“Fourth Floor. Not sure what department but knowing him, probably British Lit.”

“Oh. Thank you.” Dean took his ID back, tucking it in his pocket as he made his way to the elevators. He had only been in the library a handful of times, and it was usually just to kill time in between classes. He didn’t even know it was separated into departments. 

When he reached the fourth floor he stepped out of the elevator, looking around for a sign or something. An arrow on the wall pointed him to where he was hoping Castiel would be. He followed it for a minute, turning a corner and almost running directly into a table. A boy was slumped over it, his face smooshed into an open book. Dean smiled. 

“Mind if I join you?” Castiel jumped a good six inches into the air. His blue eyes were rimmed with dark circles and it took him a second to register who was sitting next to him.

“What are you doing here?”

“I knew you’d be here, and the party was getting lame.”

“My roommate just texted me. We just had a guy pee in our rose bush ten minutes ago. It does not sound like it’s getting lame at all.” Castiel stared at him and Dean wasn’t sure if he hated or loved this about the boy. He was like Anna a little bit, so skeptical all the time. 

“Okay. I wasn’t in the mood to get drunk, and a party sober is lame.”

“So you thought you’d come distract me? Again?” 

“No.” Dean plopped down in the open seat next to Castiel and smiled. “I thought I could come study with you. Keep you company.”

“I don’t need company. I need to concentrate on this.” 

“Okay, first of all, you looked like you were about to fall asleep when I showed up here.” Dean opened his backpack and started pulling his stuff out, careful not to show Castiel the bottle of whiskey. “Second of all, I’ll keep you company quietly. I have homework too.”

“Fine.” Dean was surprised at how easy Castiel gave in. Without a second glance the boy started reading his book again, eyebrows scrunched up. Dean tried reading his first math problem but it was no clearer now that he was tired and buzzed than when he was in class earlier. He started watching Castiel read, studying him instead of Calculus. His messy black hair curled around his ear, the color dark against his pale skin. There was a freckle on his earlobe. 

“Stop looking at me.” Castiel said, not even looking up from his page. 

“I can never win with you. I’m being quiet.”

“I told you I need to concentrate.” Castiel looked up, his finger marking his spot on the page. 

“Oh.” Dean’s smile turned flirty. “You can’t concentrate when I’m looking at you?” Castiel didn’t say anything, looking back at his book and trying to read again. “Well?”

“No!” Castiel exploded. They were lucky they were tucked in a faraway corner of the very quiet library. “No, I can’t concentrate when you’re looking at me Dean Winchester. With your stupid green eyes, and your stupid freckles, and your stupid-” He took a deep breath. “Stupid everything.”

“Well.” Dean hid his smile, looking back at his math book and starting to write down the first problem. “Sooorrry.” Dean started doodling on the corner of his page, the numbers in front of him looking like hieroglyphics. He couldn’t translate them in a million years. 

“What are you studying?” Castiel asked after a few minutes of silence. 

“Calculus.” Dean huffed, putting his pencil down. “Not really studying it though. More like staring at it.” 

“Not good at math?”

“Not even a little bit. And I have a test next week.”

“I could help you.” He was still staring at the book, his finger moving in a circular motion across the page. He wasn’t reading, just pretending to. “I took it Freshman year. I aced it.”

“That’d be kind of awesome.” Dean smiled. “What are you working on? I mean I know Shakespeare, but what about it?”

“This essay is an analysis on gender roles in Shakespeare’s plays.” 

“That’s pretty cool.”

“Thankfully it’s just the rough draft that’s due tomorrow. I’ve just been so busy with everything that I haven’t had the time to do it.”

“What have you been so busy with?”

“I’m taking an extra load. I’m at twenty credits. I’m also starting to prepare for my GRE, then I’ve got to apply to my graduate schools. On top of all that, I’m working fifteen hours a week and my boss is a dick.”

“Damn.” Dean scratched his head. “You’re going for your doctorate?”

“Yeah. I want to be a professor.” 

“That’s cool.” Dean felt like a total loser. He couldn’t think of anything to say besides ‘cool’. Castiel went back to his book and Dean felt a little panicked. He wanted to keep the conversation going. “So, are you serious about tutoring me? I mean, you’ve got a lot on your plate already.”

“Don’t worry about it. I have a few hours to spare.” Castiel laughed a little. “I mean; I’m awake every night anyway.” Dean’s chest filled with guilt. He hated himself in that moment. He was part of the reason Castiel was so exhausted. 

“I’m sorry. Like really sorry. I just can’t justify not having parties. I mean it’s a fraternity.”

“I know.” Castiel offered him a smile. “I may hate it but I know it’s not entirely your fault. It’s just easier to hate you.”

“Comforting.” 

“I’m sorry. That sounded terrible. I don’t hate you, just strongly dislike.”

“You’re kind of an asshole, you know that?”

“Yeah. I embrace it.” Castiel closed his book, accepting the fact that he wasn’t going to get anything accomplished. “So if you came here, with absolutely no chance of understanding your math, why did you come?”

Dean stared him down for a moment, trying to decide what to say. Sometimes Castiel sounded like he would understand and be someone to lean on. But sometimes, he’s down right mean. How does Dean know Castiel won’t turn around and hate him again tomorrow? 

“I just wanted some company.” It wasn’t the full truth but it wasn’t a lie either. 

“You’re telling me you couldn’t have any company at that party?”

“I just can’t be there right now.”

“Why?” Dean paused, holding his breath. He wanted to tell him more than anything. He reached into his bag, his hand shaking a little. But he couldn’t. 

“My crazy ex is there. I literally can’t shake her. It’s like she doesn’t believe we broke up.”

“Oh.” Castiel played with the corner of his book. “I should go home. I need sleep before class.”

“Yeah. Totally. I can walk you.” Castiel looked at him uncomfortably but didn’t say anything. He started packing his bag in awkward silence. Dean picked up on the mood and   
remained seated. “Actually, I’m going to stay here and try and get something done. I’ll see you around.”

“Yeah.” Castiel said quickly, already walking away. “Sounds great.” Dean watched him go, not sure what he did wrong. Could Castiel tell he was lying? Or was this just another random mood swing? He sighed, trying to concentrate on the stuff written on his notebook. Instead he felt his mind slipping to the bottle in his bag.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, here's the chapter I accidently posted as chapter three earlier this week. Hopefully it makes more sense now (;

They went a few days without seeing each other. Castiel worked two shifts with his favorite coworker, got a perfect score on an exam, turned in a completed essay that he was actually proud of, and even had time to nap for an hour. He hung out with Charlie and Chuck Wednesday night, thankful for some free time. They ordered pizza and drank an entire box of wine, watching old movies and throwing things at the screens when the main characters acted like idiots. Overall, it was a good few days for Castiel. 

Dean couldn’t say the same. Everything with his father was starting to heat up. He could feel the situation slipping through his fingers. Any day now he was going to have to go back to Lawrence and sort it out himself. In the meantime, he picked up a new job at a local bar, starting from scratch on his brother’s college fund. He worked two shifts that left him completely exhausted, failed a social work practical he thought he had in the bag, turned in the shittiest paper on ethics, and was spending Wednesday night pulling an all-nighter to study for his calculus test. He hadn’t had the courage to approach Castiel about it and he was sure he was going to fail.

It was almost one in the morning when Dean finally cracked. The last few days had been so stressful that his entire body felt like it was going to explode. The formulas in his book made no sense whatsoever. He had no idea how imaginary numbers and infinity worked. It sounded like a load of bullshit to him.   
The first thing he threw was his math book. It hit the picture frame on his wall and cracked the glass, sending a line straight through his brother’s smile. Seeing that made him angrier, so he threw his phone next. He hoped it broke so his family could stop calling him all the damn time. Then he threw his glass of water across the room, followed by his notebook, then his chair. By the end of his tantrum he was sitting on the floor, out of breath, his hands shaking. When he looked around his eyes landed on the bottle of whiskey tucked under his desk. 

It was barely a decision. He grabbed it and started untwisting the cap. He had been sober for almost a week and it sucked. What was the point of it? He didn’t have a problem like his father. He could handle it. He had everything under control. Just as his lips settled around the opening of the bottle he paused. He was lying to himself. He hadn’t felt this out of control in years. 

He didn’t let go of the bottle, walking across the room and grabbing his book from the floor. He opened the door and started storming down the hall. Three guys were hanging out on the couch when he passed them on his way to the exit. They called to him but he ignored them as he left the house behind. 

Castiel’s lawn was perfectly manicured. He was forcing the pledges to clean it, mow it, and trim the hedges, every day now. The rest of the house hadn’t even asked why he was doing it. No one questioned the torture of pledges, even if it did benefit the cranky asshole next door. Dean was now regretting the cleanliness of the lawn. He wanted something to kick right now. 

He knocked on the door three times, right in the center. Laughter rang from inside but stopped by the time he was done knocking. A girl’s voice said something and Dean took a step back, starting to wonder why he was even there. He looked down at the bottle in his hand. When the door opened he jumped. A tall girl stood before him, wearing a plaid shirt that was too big for her and a pair of boxers. Dean stepped back again. 

“Hi.” She said quickly, her voice light and airy. She had a strand of red hair falling in her face but she didn’t push it away. She was beautiful, in that unique sort of way. Dean didn’t even know he wanted Castiel so bad until he realized he had a girl that looked like this. “Hello?”

“Oh. Sorry.” He wondered if it would be weird if he took a drink right now. He decided it would. Castiel came up behind her, his chest resting against the girl’s back. His hand came up to rest on the door frame and Dean died on the spot. “I’m sorry to interrupt.” 

“Oh, you’re fine!” The girl said quickly. She leaned into Castiel, her smile growing. Castiel wasn’t smiling though. He was staring at Dean like he was confused. Then he saw the bottle and the book and looked at him confused. 

“Charlie. Can you give us a minute?” The girl didn’t stop smiling. She nodded and ducked under Castiel’s arm, running off to a different room in the house. Dean wasn’t sure what to say. They stared at each other for a minute before Castiel cleared his throat. “Are you okay?”

“No.” Dean shifted his weight and something lifted off his chest. “No. I’m an alcoholic.”

“Dean.”

“I need to drink this. All of it. I want to and I can’t-” The whiskey swished in the bottle as he talked. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know what to do. I was going to drink it.”

Castiel didn’t say anything for a few seconds. Then he took a step forward and reached out his hand, not taking his eyes off Dean as he slowly took the bottle from him. Dean felt like he could breathe again. “Why don’t you come inside?”

“I don’t want to interrupt. I didn’t know you had a girlfriend.”

“What?” Castiel glanced over his shoulder then laughed. “Oh God, no. Charlie is. Well, she’s not. She’s just my roommate.” When Dean didn’t say anything Castiel sighed. “She’s as gay as I am. Which is really gay.”

“Oh.” Dean wasn’t sure what to say. He had hoped that was the case but now it made things more complicated. Because Dean wasn’t gay. At least not openly. “I’m going to fail my Calculus exam tomorrow.”

“No.” Castiel leaned forward and took the book from him as well. Dean wasn’t sure what to do with his hands now. “I’ll help you. Come inside.”

“Okay.” Dean stepped forward, following Castiel as he led him down a hallway. They passed the girl, Charlie, who was digging in the refrigerator. Another guy was lounging on the couch in the living room, not even looking at them as they passed. “You have two roommates?”

“Yeah. Charlie and Chuck.”

“They’re both gay?” Dean had no idea why he said that. He shook his head in embarrassment. 

“No.” Castiel laughed, turning a corner and opening the first door they found. It led them into a small bedroom. There was a bed pushed into a corner, next to a desk. The only   
other things inside were a record player and three bookcases. Dean didn’t even see a dresser. “Chuck is very straight. Not that he’s successfully straight or anything. The guy can’t get a date to save his life. Too much of a dork.”

Dean laughed at this. Castiel sat on the edge of his bed then patted the space next to him. Dean sat down as Castiel started flipping through the book. “The exam is on chapter three.” 

Castiel nodded and started searching for the chapter. He talked as he worked. “Maybe you could give Chuck some advice.”

“On?”

“Successfully being straight. You seem to do just fine.” Castiel had finally stopped on the right page. He was now scanning the objectives section, trying to understand what the chapter was going to cover. 

“I guess.” If only Castiel knew how unsuccessful he actually was. 

“So what exactly are you struggling with?”

“Huh?” Dean’s head whipped around really fast. Could Castiel read his mind? Then he noticed that Castiel was pointing at the book and he almost laughed. “Oh. Honestly? All of it. It’s like this foreign language.”

“Okay.” Castiel stood up, moving to the desk and grabbing a pencil. Dean watched as he moved, finding himself distracted. 

“I feel like it might be too late. I’m pretty sure I’m going to fail no matter what.” 

“No. I can help. I promise.” Castiel looked at him, staring straight into his eyes. “Trust me.”


	8. Chapter 8

At some point in the night they ended up on the floor of Castiel’s bedroom, listening to his record player and eating leftover pizza that Charlie brought them. Dean’s textbook was somewhere on the bed, forgotten. They had come to the conclusion that Dean was at least going to pass if he could memorize the formulas, which he did. Castiel also helped him wrap his mind around the concept of imaginary numbers, although infinity was still too difficult. 

Castiel was humming softly to himself as Dean stared over at the bookshelf. He was reading all of the spines, proud that he actually recognized a lot of them. “You have so many books.”

“Yeah.” Castiel looked at Dean and smiled. “Over a thousand, if you want to be technical.”

“No way.” Dean sat up and shook his head. “There aren’t that many books in here.”

“We have bookcases in the basement, and the living room.” 

“Damn. How do you afford that?”

“Most of them are from high school. My family was wealthy and they didn’t really care what I purchased. And I work at a bookstore now, so I get a discount.”

“Nice.” 

“Yeah.” Castiel sat up too, running a hand through his messy hair. “It kind of pays off in the end anyway. Can’t really teach literature without knowing a lot about it.”

“True.”

“It’s probably the same thing with social work, right?”

“Yeah. I mean you can be a good social worker without any experience obviously. That’s the point of going to college for it. But I feel like it helps if you understand how some of the systems work a little.”

“Do you?”

“Do I what?”

“Do you understand it?”

“Yeah.” Dean scratched his chin before standing up. He didn’t want to be too close to Castiel anymore. He started wandering around the room. “I was in the foster system a little growing up.”

“Why?” 

“My mom is. Well, she’s not.” Dean paused, searching for the right thing to say. He settled with the truth. “She’s in a mental hospital now. But back then she wasn’t. She was   
kind of in and out. She was all over the place honestly. She had this habit of running away. Her doctors say it had to do with her manic episodes but it didn’t really matter. Running away was running away, and our father had no idea how to deal with us when she was gone. We landed our asses in foster care once when he decided to go on a bender and not come back. My mom was good when he left but he was gone too long and she had an episode. We were only in there for a few weeks before he came back and sorted it all out. 

“It wasn’t all bad. I mean when she was normal she was fucking great. She baked us pie and she sang us lullabies every night. It was perfect. But when she was having an episode she was crazy. She was convinced demons were coming for us. Then she started thinking we were the demons. My father came home one day and found her drowning my brother in a bathtub. She claimed it was holy water and it was helping him, but he almost died.”

Castiel didn’t say anything. He felt paralyzed on the ground. He hated his childhood, hated his father in particular, but it was never that bad. Some snide comments across the dinner table about ‘the gays’ and a lot of shame, but that was nothing compared to what Dean was talking about. 

“Obviously that was when she went into the hospital for good. But after that we went into foster care again until my father finally proved he could take care of us. I graduated a few years after that.”

“So your brother is still with him?”

“Yeah. He’s got a year left of school. He’s supposed to go to college but I don’t know how I’m going to swing that. My father got his hands on his college fund and blew it all.” 

“Wow.” Castiel wasn’t sure what to say. He saw Dean’s eyes drift to the bottle of whiskey placed on the desk and stood up quickly. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. I shouldn’t have dumped that all on you. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.” Neither of them said anything for a minute. Castiel hovered close to the desk, making sure Dean didn’t try going for the bottle. 

“Anyway. The point of all of that,” Dean gestured in the air as if referring to the last few minutes, “was to say that yes, I do have experience understanding how the system works. I actually want to go into Child Protective Services.”

“What do you want to do?” Castiel shifted again, trying to block Dean’s view of the whiskey. “Is that a stupid question? Are there multiple things a social worker can do for them?”

“It’s not stupid, and yes there is. I’m not sure what I want to do though. Probably something lower level. I’d like to help with the kids personally. I don’t want to be the douche up in a corner office pushing paperwork and deciding what to do with kids without ever meeting them face to face.” 

“That’s reasonable.” 

“I suppose.”

“So, I’ve got to be honest. I totally see why the whole drinking problem came about.”

“Can’t really blame me, yeah?”

“Seriously.” Castiel felt his smile slip a little. “Here’s the deal though. No more of that.”

“I know. I’m done.”

“Something tells me, and don’t get offended, that you’ve said that before.”

“Yeah.” Dean looked away from him, running a finger along the edge of the bookcase next to him. “I went home to visit my brother last summer and some of my old friends got me wasted. I ended up blacking out and the next morning my brother told me I had reminded him of my father. I promised him I’d sober up after that. Stayed sober for two months.”

“What happened?”

“This school year, honestly. My classes got harder and my father is starting to become more of an asshole since he found out my brother wants to leave home when he graduates. He was under the assumption Sammy was going to stay and work the family business. And I’m the President this year which comes with a shit ton of responsibility.” Dean sighed. “I cracked.”

“But you’re sober again?”

“Yeah, if four days’ counts?” Castiel stopped and thought about it for a minute. 

“Wait. You were drunk in the library?”

“Not drunk, no. But I had some in my system.”

“Oh.” He offered Dean an encouraging smile. “Well. Four days will turn into more if you stick with it. I’ll help.”

Dean seemed like he was going to argue for a moment but something in his face changed and he leaned forward. The amber colored water swirled before disappearing. Dean just   
stared for a moment. 

“You should get some rest now. You need it for your test.”

“You’re bossy.”

“Yes.” Castiel smiled, grabbing Dean’s hand. Dean flinched but he didn’t pull away. “Because I care about you, Dean Winchester. And you need help.”


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This one is a bit longer. I'd like to thank everyone for sticking with this story and hopefully you all stay until the end. I know it's a slow build but it's going to be soooo worth it (I promise!)
> 
> Enjoy (:

Dean went three more weeks without drinking. He passed his calculus exam, along with two quizzes, and managed to go through six different major parties without taking a single sip of alcohol. Of course, Castiel was a huge part of this. As well as Anna. During the day Dean hung out with Castiel, working on homework and getting to know each other a little better. 

Almost every night, Dean hung out with Anna in bed. Sometimes they would just lay together, talking. Dean told her about Castiel, coming dangerously close to telling her about the way his heart catches when he laughs or scrunches his nose. Most nights though, they end up tangling themselves together. Without alcohol Dean was dangerously in need of his other drug, and Anna was willing to let him take as many hits as he needed. 

Every once in a while, when Dean was in the place between consciousness and sleep, he would find himself thinking he was with Castiel. He would reach out and feel skin, thinking that the man was sprawled out beside him. He would wake up with an ass perfectly cradled between his thighs and for a moment he’d believe it was Castiel in his arms. It was happening more and more lately, and he was worried Anna would start to notice. He wanted to tell her the truth, he owed her that much considering their friendship, but that would mean admitting feelings for a man. A person of the same gender. Not happening. 

“Dean.” Castiel waved his hand in front of Dean’s face. “Are you even listening to me?”

“No. I’m sorry.”

“Where’s your head at?” Castiel looked concerned, pushing aside his book to give Dean his full attention. They were studying together in the library, each getting nervous for their   
upcoming midterms. 

“I was just thinking about fraternity stuff.” 

“Well, stop. You need to focus on exams, Dean.”

“Don’t you think I’m trying?”

“What about the fraternity is bothering you?” Castiel gave him an encouraging smile to open up and Dean hated himself for lying. He tried to think of something to say. What had been bothering him lately? There had to be something. 

“The Halloween party. It’s harder to plan than I thought.”

“You said there’s guys that are assigned to do that?”

“Well, yes.” Dean played with the corner of his paper. “But I have to make sure everything is good. It’s on me if the party sucks, not the pledges. They just do the grunt work.”

“What in particular are you struggling with? Do you need a caterer or-”

“No.” Dean almost laughed. “Besides that paint party, have you ever been to a college party?”

“No.” Castiel blushed but didn’t look away. 

“They aren’t usually catered. In fact, you’re lucky if you find food at them at all.” 

“Oh. Who knew?” Dean wanted to tell him almost any other student knew, but he didn’t want to embarrass him anymore. “What do you need then?”

“Well we have a DJ but he’s not the best. I’d like someone better. And the guys want to do a costume contest, which is fine, but I don’t know who should be judges and what the hell do we have as a prize? Plus, they say there should be categories and fuck if I know what kind of categories there are for costumes? Sexy and not sexy? Then there’s added pressure because the party is the Friday of midterms, so everyone is going to be relieved they’re over and ready to let off steam. If the party turns out lame it’s on me.”

“Wow. You seem-”

“Yeah. And then there’s the fact that my Vice President thinks we should start an orgy in the basement, obviously only for people who want to participate, but I don’t want to get disbanded. But the guys are always assholes when I don’t cooperate with them. And who am I to tell them who they can and can’t have sex with, right?”

“A Halloween orgy. That sounds-” Castiel searched for a word, smiling a little. “Creepy. That sounds really creepy.”

“Well.”

“No. Like, make sure there’s no virgins because it sounds like there’s going to be some sacrificing or some shit.”

“Fuck off.” Dean pushed Castiel but he was laughing. Now that he thought about it, the idea was a little weird. He shook his head and winked at his friend. “Anyway. That’s why I can’t focus on midterms.”

“Okay. Well let’s solve all of that. Otherwise we are just wasting time studying when we aren’t really retaining any information. Okay?” Dean nodded and Castiel pulled out a blank sheet of paper, writing ‘TO DO’ on the top of it. “First of all we need to find you a new DJ. Is there a reason you’re settling on this guy?”

“He’s cheapest. If we go with the guy I really want then we spend another hundred dollars, and the frat only has so much money in their budget. We would have to buy less booze.”

“Okay. Why do you like this guy more?”

“It’s who we usually go with, so he’s familiar. Plus, he’s really cool as a person. He stopped a guy from slipping a girl pills one time, catching it and calling him out. Most people won’t do that. They just pretend they didn’t see anything, ya know? It takes a lot of balls to do that when your job might be on the line.”

“Alright. Give me his information and maybe I can convince him to work for a little less. He probably likes you guys too if he keeps coming back. Maybe I can work something out.”

“You can try.” Dean didn’t sound too sure but he wrote down the name of the guy’s Facebook page, along with his real name. “What’s next?”

“Costume contest, I think?”

“Right.”

“So I can actually help with this a little more. Maybe. I’ve been to a lot of Halloween parties, although they were catered so I don’t know if they count.” He winked at Dean. “The sexiest was a good idea. There should also just be an overall best as well. I feel like there should be a scariest too? But I’m not sure if people are going to show up in scary   
costumes?”

“They might, yeah. A lot of guys will wear masks and shit like that.” 

“Okay. Then there’s the matter of prizes.” Castiel wrote something down then looked up at Dean thoughtfully. “You should go to local bars and places like that. Get gift cards or   
something.”

“We have a budget issue. Remember?”

“Okay.” Castiel chewed on his pen for a moment. “What’s something your fraternity could give then?”

“Pledges cleaning. Sex. I don’t know.”

“You need money.” Castiel sighed and threw his hands in the air dramatically. “This is the root of your evils. Money.”

“I’m aware.” Dean huffed.

“Okay. Here’s the deal. We need to do a fundraiser. Once we have a larger budget then we have breathing room. Then you don’t have to worry about the party being lame. You’ll have the best DJ, all the booze you need, and good prizes. The orgy.. well, you can’t really stop that from happening. You can demand it not be a formal event though. No scheduling or planning. And you can also demand no footage. The last thing you need is pornography laws to deal with.”

“True.” Dean thought about all of this for a moment and smiled. “Okay. You’re good at this. I’m gonna keep you around.”

Castiel flushed bright red. “Thank you.”

“What should we do?”

“For the fundraiser?”

“Yeah?”

“I don’t know. What have you guys done before?”

“We’ve done car washes but it’s a bit cold for that. Bake sales but that was no fun. Then we did a party that charged for entrance, with a few strippers. We haven’t needed too much money so it was never really necessary.”

“We should brainstorm something.”

“Okay.” Dean leaned back in his chair and sighed. “If only prostitution was legal. That’d be the easiest.”

“Right.” Castiel laughed but Dean was concentrating now. He sat forward quickly, pointing at Castiel and smiling wide. 

“Well. We can’t sell sex, but we could sell dates. That’s legal. Right?” Before Castiel could say anything Dean continued. “A ‘boy toy’ auction. I’ve seen that on tv shows before! Oh my   
god. This is genius.”

“Yeah.” Castiel felt himself deflate. “Like, you would sell yourselves?”

“Of course!” Dean started packing his things. “I’ve got to go and talk to the house. I’ll see you later. Thanks, Cas.” 

Dean stormed off, already typing out a group message about a house meeting. Castiel watched him go, trying to think about his bank account. He was willing to spend every penny to make sure Dean Winchester didn’t end up with someone else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is a bit longer. I'd like to thank everyone for sticking with this story and hopefully you all stay until the end. I know it's a slow build but it's going to be soooo worth it (I promise!)
> 
> Enjoy (:


	10. Chapter 10

The auction was scheduled for that Friday night. It would begin at six and the date would follow directly after. Each guy would be required to be with his date until midnight, unless the date decides to leave on their own. At midnight the dates are required to kiss. Then they’re free to go. It was a perfect plan, one stolen from Anna’s favorite TV show. Dean loved every minute of it. He spent the rest of his week preparing for it, not even seeing Castiel because of how busy he was.

When the night came he was in full blown President mode. He required all of the guys to be at least shirtless, but none of them seemed to care. In fact, half of them weren’t even willing to wear pants. Crowley had invested in a thong. Anna was hosting, wearing a Delta Chi t-shirt (which happened to be Dean’s) and a short skirt. She made sure to double check that she can bid on boys even if she’s in charge. Dean promised she could. 

The school auditorium they rented was completely full by six. Anna turned the music down a little, announcing the event and getting the crowd riled up. Dean peaked through the curtain, scanning the crowd. He had been so busy he hadn’t had the chance to ask Castiel if he was coming. He hoped he was out there somewhere.   
As the President, Dean was scheduled to go last. He would be following Crowley. He couldn’t help but think that he wouldn’t struggle too much after that terrible thong. He was pretty sure he saw some jewels on the front. 

The auction started off fairly well. The first seven guys were pledges, and altogether they made just over three hundred dollars. It was fairly impressive, considering college students are pretty broke. The prices started going up as the ranks did, except for a few creepy guys in between. Dean knew Lucifer wasn’t going to get a very high price considering he was   
a total jackass. 

When it was his turn he started feeling nervous. The music switched to something about sex and Dean cleared his throat. Crowley came up behind him and winked. “You ready?”

“Yeah.” He wasn’t sure if he was but the fraternity had already earned over two thousand dollars and he couldn’t help but feel full of energy now. The crowd cheered as he sauntered on stage, trying to forget the fact that his legs were bow legged and he probably looked ridiculous. He was in a pair of jeans and cowboy boots, Anna’s idea. He said no to the hat but there she was, handing it to him as he walked down the little stage. He took it and rolled his eyes, but when he placed it on his head his breath hitched at the way the audience erupted. 

“Let’s start the bidding, shall we?” Anna asked, her eyes shining as she gestured to the crowd. People started cheering again and someone shouted ‘A hundred dollars!’ The bidding continued and Dean couldn’t believe it when it reached over three hundred dollars. He danced a little to the music as it continued, letting his hips sway seductively. Someone yelled for him to take it off and he smiled. There was no way his jeans were going anywhere but he did throw his hat into the crowd, laughing a little when the girl that caught it screamed. 

“Three hundred and fifty dollars, going once.” Anna announced, smiling at the crowd. Dean put his hands in the air, as if he was asking for more. A voice called out from the crowd. 

“Three seventy-five!” Dean tried to look at the crowd but couldn’t see anyone. Before anyone said anything in response the voice came again. It was oddly familiar. Definitely a guy, not that Dean cared. There had already been a few same sex dates so far. “Four hundred!” Then the voice again. “Oh, what the hell. Four fifty!” 

“Sold.” Anna yelled, not sure what else to do. No one gave her a protocol for when someone bid against themselves. Dean squinted from the bright lights but still couldn’t see who bought him. Anna ushered him off the stage and started to wrap things up, instructing the night’s bidder’s on where to go to pay and receive their dates. 

Once he was back stage again Dean headed straight for his duffel bag, digging through it to find his flannel. He tugged it on, buttoning it up as he made his way toward the desk to be claimed. A few guys called out to him as he walked but he was too focused on who bought him. He was pretty sure it was a guy’s voice, but it could have been a girl with a deeper voice as well. He wasn’t sure which one he would prefer. 

He came up behind Anna, who was now sitting on a stool behind a desk. He leaned forward and gave her a kiss on the temple, smiling against her skin. He wished he could just spend the night with her, like usual. That thought made him freeze for a moment. He hadn’t even considered it, but what if his date wants to drink tonight? Panic started to well up in his chest. He couldn’t do this.

A low, husky voice came from across the desk. “Dean Winchester.” 

“Awesome.” Anna scanned her clipboard but Dean didn’t take his eyes off the man standing before him. “That’ll be four hundred and fifty dollars, please.”

“Of course.” Dean felt his chest start to burn from lack of oxygen and he finally inhaled. Then bright blue eyes looked straight at him. “Hello Dean.”

“Hey Cas.” 

 

\------- 

 

“So, what are we doing tonight?” Dean asked as he followed Castiel to the parking lot of the auditorium. “Writing an essay? Cleaning your room?”

Castiel stopped walking, looking over at Dean with a disgusted look on his face. It took Dean a second and then he noticed something. Castiel was dressed in a nice dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up and a dark pair of jeans. It wasn’t much different than his usual preppy style of clothing, but it was different in some way. Dean couldn’t place it. “We’re going on a date.” Castiel said after a moment. Dean didn’t know how to respond. They stood there in the middle of the parking lot, just staring at each other. “Dean. That’s the whole point of the fundraiser.”

“Well, yeah. But I figured you were just saving me from the obligation.”

“For four hundred and fifty dollars?” Castiel laughed a little, starting to walk again. “Not a chance. I have a full night planned.”

Dean followed him, not sure what to say now. He had been spending almost all of his time with Castiel but he didn’t think he felt that way about him. Dean felt like he couldn’t keep his mind straight when he was around him, but he didn’t think Castiel felt the same.

“Are you okay?” Castiel asked as they slid into his car. Dean just nodded, not trusting his voice. Castiel adjusted the heating vents, then started driving. The road was fairly empty and Dean wondered where they were headed. He watched out the window, not sure what was going on in his mind. Everything felt jumbled and he really wanted a drink. Or a kiss. Or a naked body beneath him. 

“Feel good?” Dean jumped at the sound of Castiel’s voice.

“What?” Dean asked defensively. Could Castiel read his mind?

“The heat? I know it’s not super cold out but I can turn it up if you need.” 

“Oh.” Dean wiped a hand down his face, trying to get his thoughts under control. “No. The heat is fine.” They continued driving, neither of them talking again until they pulled   
into a dirt road. Dean gave Castiel a nervous look and Castiel smiled. 

“I’m not going to kill you.”

“Good. That’s comforting.” They both laughed a little and Dean felt the tension bubble away. He was just with his friend again. 

“Tonight is the peak of the Orionid Meteor Shower.”

“The what?”

“The Orionid Meteor Shower.” Castiel parked the car and hopped out, expecting Dean to follow. He did. They met at the trunk and Castiel opened it, digging inside for two blankets and a cooler. Dean grabbed the blankets as they started walking down a little path. “It’s dust from Halley’s Comet. I won’t bore you with the science of it, but it’s a pretty great show.”

“I trust ya.” Dean stopped walking, coming up short when he saw where they had ended up. There was a large clearing with ankle length grass and flowers spread out in front of them. He smiled. “Well. We don’t have to worry about light pollution here.” 

“No. Definitely not.” Castiel settled the cooler down in the grass, then took one of the blankets from Dean. He shook it out and laid it on the grass before sitting down. He looked up at Dean and smiled. “Come here.”

“Okay.” Dean sat beside him, giving them about a foot of distance apart. Castiel reached into the cooler and brought drinks out, both of which were alcoholic. Dean remembered his fear from earlier and smiled. Castiel knew him better than anyone. They ate a dinner Castiel had packed for them, the sun setting behind the trees. Dean felt his body start to shake from nerves but he tried to breathe through it. Castiel thought he was straight. There was no risk of him coming on to him. Right?

They sat in silence for a while until Dean shivered. Castiel shook out the other blanket and laid it over the both of them. Without looking at Dean he laid down on his back, putting one hand under his head and smiling up at the stars. After another minute, Dean joined him. They laid there for a while, waiting for something to happen. Then a bright light flashed across the sky and Dean’s breath hitched. 

“I saw one!”

“Good.” Castiel didn’t look at him but Dean could tell he was smiling. “Keep watching.” Dean listened, keeping his eyes wide open. They watched for what felt like at least an hour. Over time they had drifted closer, Dean’s head just an inch away from Castiel’s arm. 

“Infinity.” Dean whispered after a moment. “It still blows my mind.”

“It’s a lot to wrap your head around, honestly. You’ll get used to the idea.” Castiel looked over at him and smiled. “Rules say we’re supposed to kiss.”

“Is it midnight yet?” 

“Does it matter?” Castiel’s eyes slipped from Dean’s, landing on his lips. He stared for a moment, then leaned forward. 

“Cas.” Dean’s breath fell against Castiel’s lips and he wasn’t sure if he wanted to lean in or pull away. 

“Don’t be afraid.” Castiel whispered. He breathed and the inhale brought their lips together. Dean felt a surge of energy rush through him. There wasn’t a question in his mind anymore. This was what he needed. He breathed Castiel in. It was the purest oxygen.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment/kudos. It's great to hear back!

Castiel dropped Dean off a little after midnight, promising to see him in the morning. Dean stumbled his way into the house, climbing over a guy passed out on the living room floor. His entire body was shaking as he made his way to his bedroom. Castiel had thought he was cold, deciding they should head home and cranking the heat in the car. Dean was sure Castiel had wanted to kiss him goodnight but he hopped out of the car too fast. 

His fingers were shaking so hard that he had to type in the passcode to his room three times before getting back in. Just before the door closed behind him someone stopped it. “Please tell me you screwed that up three times because you’re just tired.” Dean sighed, his eyes sliding shut. He couldn’t deal with this right now. 

“I’m not drunk.” 

“Okay.” Anna shut the door and walked forward, passing him and standing in front of his bed. She unbuttoned her jeans and started pushing them down. “What’s wrong, then?”

“I don’t know.” Dean opened his eyes just as her shirt landed on the ground. He watched her as she stood there smiling at him. Her breasts were practically fighting to break free from her bra. He wanted to devour her, and that was possibly the most confusing part. How could he want both? “I kissed a guy tonight.”

“Don’t sweat it.” She reached around and freed her breasts, still smiling. “It’s a rule of the auction.”

“I know.” She stepped forward and started working on the buttons of his flannel. Dean felt wrong, like he was cheating. But Castiel hadn’t asked for anything. For all he knew the kiss could be a one-time thing. 

“Dean. I’m naked. What’s the issue?” Anna pushed his flannel off and she looked rather annoyed. He understood where she was coming from. He usually had her on her back within seconds. It was unlike him to make a girl work for it, especially her. 

“What if.” He took a step back, knowing he might be lighting everything on fire. His entire life. His entire reputation. Anna was good at keeping secrets but this one might be too much. Especially if it pissed her off that her permanent booty call was switching up his sexuality. “What if I liked it?”

“Liked what?” 

“The kiss. With the guy.” Dean’s voice shook violently. Anna stared at him. Her smile didn’t grow but it didn’t slip either. Then she stepped forward until her chest was against his. His breath caught at the feeling of her skin against his. She wrapped her arms around his neck and brought their lips together. It was effortless and playful. 

“Did you like that?” 

“Of course.” She let out a breathy laugh. 

“Alright. Then it doesn’t matter. Kiss whoever you like to kiss. Label it when you’re ready. Or never label it. Who cares?”

“God. You’re perfect.” Dean pulled her in, bringing her mouth back to his. 

“Thanks.” She said against his lips before pulling back. He was pushing her towards   
the bed now. “But if you fall in love with him, tell me. I don’t help guys cheat.”

“Works for me. I’m not a cheater.” They fell onto the bed and Anna laughed a little. Dean crawled up between her legs and started feeling his mind slip away. Just what he needed. 

 

 

He woke up to someone knocking on his bedroom door. Sunlight was pouring into his room and his alarm clock said it was only eight. Anna was sprawled out beside him, bright red hair spilling over the white sheets. Someone knocked again and Dean groaned. “I’m coming.” He grumbled as he rolled out of bed and stumbled over to the door. When he opened it he almost died. 

“Morning.” Castiel smiled softly at him. Dean stepped forward so Castiel had to step back, pulling the door almost completely closed behind himself. He hoped Anna wasn’t visible, trying to remember if she was covered by a sheet or not. 

“Good morning.” Dean said cautiously. 

“I brought you coffee.” Castiel offered him a warm travel mug, then took a sip from his own. “I thought we could start working on the Halloween party now that you’ve got money. And we should really start tackling midterms.” He pushed forward like it would make sense to go into Dean’s room, but Dean pushed back. 

“We should do that. Yes.” He lifted his mug. “Thank you for the coffee. Um, let’s go to the library.”

Castiel stared at him for a moment, biting his lip. “Are you drunk?”

“No.” Dean shook his head, wondering why that was always the go to question when he acted funny. “I think we should go to the library. It’s a good idea.”

“Right.” Castiel smiled but it didn’t reach his eyes. 

“Let’s go.” Dean took a step forward but Castiel blocked him.

“You’re in boxers, Dean.” Dean looked down and his heart sank into his stomach. Before he could think of something to say the door knob slipped out of his hand. He closed his eyes, not wanting to see Castiel’s reaction. 

“Dean?” He could feel the warm heat of Anna behind him. There was no heat in front of him anymore. When he opened his eyes Castiel had taken a few steps back. 

“It’s not. I mean, she’s.” Dean wasn’t sure what to say. 

“You’re the guy that bought Dean.” Anna said simply, leaning against the doorframe. Dean glanced back and thanked the lord that she at least had his flannel on. 

“Sure am.” Castiel shook his head. “Just some guy who bought Dean.”

“No. You’re not.” Dean stepped forward. He could hear Anna shift behind him but he was focused on Castiel. He hadn’t left yet, but his face was crumbling. “You’re Cas.” 

“I thought you had a good night last night?”

“I did.”

“He did.” Anna chimed in. Castiel looked even more betrayed at the fact that she knew anything about their night together. Dean wanted to kill her in that moment. 

“Can we just start over? This is Anna. She’s one of my best friends.”

“You sleep with all your friends?”

“He’s Dean Winchester. He sleeps with all of everyone’s friends.” Castiel scoffed, looking as if he was ready to leave. 

“Okay. In my defense, you knew that!” Dean pointed a finger at Castiel, staring to feel angry now. This entire situation was slipping through his fingers. He hadn’t even decided if he liked boys yet. He needed time to process. Couldn’t Castiel see that? “Last night was great but it’s not like we decided to be boyfriends or anything. I don’t know what I want or what I feel but don’t look at me like you just caught me cheating on you!” 

“Dean?” Crowley turned the corner and stopped in his tracks. Now everything was evaporating, creating a black cloud of smoke right in front of him. He was sure if he tried grabbing the situation he would fail. “What’s going on?”

“Nothing.”

“Yup. Nothing.” Castiel repeated, his smile on his face forced and sarcastic. Dean’s body began shaking again, just like last night. 

“It’s too early man. Deal with your shit later.”

“Sure thing. Sorry guys.” Two other members had shown up as well. They all seemed unsure if they should leave. “Go away!” They all scurried off in different directions. 

“I should go too.”

“No. Please.” Dean reached out to grab Castiel’s wrist but he flinched away from him. 

“I’ll catch you later, Dean.” He turned around and walked away, leaving Dean and Anna standing there in silence. Anna sighed but didn’t say anything. After a minute Dean felt himself deflate. He turned around and strode into his bedroom, trying to figure out what he wanted to throw first. 

“You should go.”

“No.” Anna placed a hand on his back but he shook her off. 

“Seriously. I’m going to start throwing shit. You need to leave.”

“Dean. You’ll drink.”

“Don’t.” Dean whipped around, all of his anger bubbling up and pouring out of him. “Don’t fucking tell me what I will do. I have myself under control!” Anna flinched but didn’t back away.

“Yeah.” She said sarcastically, grabbing her jeans and yanking them on. “I can see that. Totally in control.” She threw his flannel at his chest before leaning down and grabbing her top. 

“Get out!” Dean yelled, throwing a pillow at her. She swatted it away and glared at him. 

“I am!” 

“Good!” She threw the door open and stormed out, letting it slam shut again. Dean grabbed the other pillow and threw it at the door. Then he started in on the things on top of his dresser, bringing his right arm down and sweeping it across the top. Everything went crashing to the floor and he itched for more. More destruction.


	12. Chapter 12

Castiel was not in the mood to answer the door, but the person standing outside had been knocking for at least a solid minute and his roommates weren’t home. He swore if it was Dean he was going to slam the door in his face. When he opened it he realized it was someone even worse. 

“Listen, I get it. He’s straight. Can you leave me alone?”

“I’m not here for that.” Anna scratched her nose. “And I wouldn’t bank on that one being totally straight, but that’s on him.”

“Can you please just-”

“He’s going to drink.” It came out in one long exhale. It hung in the air between the two of them, a silent noose. “Maybe he is right now. Or he’ll wait until tonight. Maybe even a few days if he can really do it. I haven’t seen him this upset over anything other than his family, and that’s saying a lot. That kid has gotten some shitty deals over the past few years.

“Listen. I know it’s not fair to put that on you but he just kicked me out and honestly, I’m not who he wants to see anyway. I can keep him from putting the bottle to his lips, but you can stop him from wanting to in the first place.”

“I think you help him more than me. You seem to be quite skilled at it.”

“Oh, please. I scratch his itch and in return he scratches mine. That’s all we are. But I love him.” Castiel rolled his eyes but Anna put her hand up to stop him. “I’m not in love with him. But I think you are. And he’s going to drink. I just thought you should know.” She turned on her heel and started walking down the sidewalk, her hips swaying with ease. Castiel watched her go, his chest feeling like it was going to explode. 

“Shit.” He whispered, pulling the door closed and heading toward the house next door. “I just had to fall in love with the jackass next door.”

 

 

“This is bullshit.”

“Yup.”

“I’m done. I give up. It’s over, alright?”

“You’re being ridiculous.”

“Fuck you.” Dean bit back his smile. 

“I mean, if you want.” It was the third sexual thing Castiel had said during their stupid study session. Dean kept getting flustered. “It’s not over until you’ve taken the test. You just need to concentrate. You did fine on the last two quizzes.”

“Yeah, but this is cumulative. There’s no way I can memorize all these formulas along with the rest of the rules.”

“You still have two days. Why don’t we take a break from math? I can quiz you on social work?”

“Yeah. That sounds perfect.” Dean started rifling through his bag, looking for his other notebook. Castiel was helping him study since his midterms consisted almost entirely of essays, which he already had his rough drafts for. They had been in the library for almost the entire day, the argument from that morning like a distant memory. They had decided to take this slow and to keep it under wraps. Dean wasn’t ready to go screaming from the mountain tops just yet. They would focus on midterms and the stupid Halloween party, and then they would work a little harder on their own shit. They had agreed on just one thing: they were now exclusive. 

“Shouldn’t you be working on your essays?” Dean asked as he watched Castiel organize his flashcards for him. 

“I still have a day before the first one is due. They’re all pretty much finished anyway. I just have to tidy them up.” 

“You promise?” Dean wasn’t sure why he thought Castiel would lie to him. It’s not like he couldn’t be doing his essays right now if he needed. There would be no reason to pretend. 

“Yeah. I’m fine.” Castiel smiled at him. “How are you?”

“Good.” Castiel continued looking at him and Dean shifted uncomfortably. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

“When I found you this morning you were searching the kitchen for alcohol.”

“No I wasn’t.” But Dean couldn’t look him in the eye. 

“Please don’t lie to me.” Dean didn’t say anything. He didn’t want to lie but he didn’t want to   
admit anything either. Instead he focused his attention on his notes, reading the same definition over and over. Castiel sighed. “What do we have left to do for the party?”

“Just waiting to hear back from the DJ. The pledges are going to Spiral, the nightclub right off campus, to see if they’re willing to give a prize. They have a black card that lets you move to the front of the line and get one free drink every time you come. We’re trying to score one.”

“Those don’t actually exist.” Castiel laughed, shaking his head at Dean like he was adorable. “They’re just an urban legend or something.”

“What makes you say that?” Dean asked, digging for something in his jeans. 

“I’ve never seen someone use one. And I’ve had people claim they have one just to miraculously forget it at home or lose it. I think the place just started the rumor to-” Castiel stopped talking when he saw the black card in between Dean’s pointer and middle finger, offering it to Castiel. He took it, studying the front and shaking his head again. “Shit.”

“They exist.”

“How did you get one?”

“It’s a tradition. The President of Delta Chi always passes it down.” Castiel read the embossed words across the bottom of the card, just under the club’s logo. 

“Delta Chi Fraternity. President.” Castiel handed it back to Dean, arching an eyebrow. “Are you allowed to bring guests with you?

“It’s a plus one policy. Only one free drink though.”

“It’s a Saturday night. I think we deserve a night out.” Castiel stood up, already packing their   
things. “I’ll take the free drink, of course.”

Dean sat there for a moment, not sure what to say. He wasn’t sure if this was a trick or not. “I can’t drink, remember?”

“Correct.” Castiel started packing up Dean’s things for him when he didn’t do it himself. “Hence why I will be the one drinking the free drink.”

“But it’s a club.”

“Yeah. It’s a club, not a bar. Clubs are for dancing.” 

“I don’t dance.”

“Oh, but you will.” Castiel held out his hand. Dean took it and smiled. They started walking towards the exit. A group of guys were laughing by the door and Dean instantly dropped his hand. Castiel didn’t say anything. When they reached the car Dean stopped, resting his hands against it and sighing. Castiel waited for him to say something. It took him a while. 

“Vodka.” He whispered. Castiel cleared his throat.

“What?” 

“Vodka. It’s what I was looking for this morning.” Castiel shifted his weight, not sure if he should come around the car to Dean’s side or not. He didn’t want to scare him away. Dean looked up at him and his green eyes were swimming. “It won’t happen again.”

Castiel gave him a reassuring smile. “It might. But we’ll work on it, Dean. You’re going to be okay.”

“I really wanted to drink, Cas.” Dean looked away. Castiel felt his heart break. 

“Thank you.”

“For what?” Dean looked back at him again, his eyes wide. 

“Telling me.” Dean nodded, biting his bottom lip. Then he gave Castiel the weakest smile.

“Thank you.”

“For what?” 

“For sticking around even though I’m all broken and fucked up.”

“Dean.” Castiel decided to throw caution to the wind and wrap around the car. When he reached   
Dean he cradled his cheek with a hand and smiled. “You are not broken. You are perfect.”


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adding extra tags.. sometimes stories get a little away from what you expected. These tags are JUST FOR THIS CHAPTER. I apologize if they are something that bothers you. Feel free to skip the chapter and message me on my tumblr for a brief summary if you feel as if you will be triggered. Thank you. 
> 
> TAGS: exhibitionism, orgy, alcohol/drug relapse

The Halloween party came faster than they wanted it to. The only good thing was that exams were over, and Dean did surprisingly well on all of them. The thing he wasn’t doing surprisingly well on was is ‘sort of’ relationship with Castiel. He was starting to feel himself spin out of control. He wasn’t ready to be with Castiel, but he needed something to blow off steam. 

Castiel didn’t show up to the party until a few hours into it. Dean noticed him walking across the front lawn and was waiting for him at the front door. “Hey!” He yelled over the music as he opened the door for him. Castiel awkwardly smiled and looked around the house. They had spent a long time decorating and planning, but it was unreal how well it all turned out. 

Before Dean could figure out what to do now that Castiel was there, one of the pledges waved him down. “I’m sorry. I’ll find you in a minute!” He gave Castiel an apologetic smile and leaned in a little so he didn’t have to shout so loud. “You know where the drinks are, right?”

Castiel nodded and smiled. He was already walking away before Dean headed towards the pledge. When he reached the guy he moved him further into the house until they were by the basement door. “What’s up?” Dean asked quietly, glad to be away from the speakers now. His ears were ringing from all the noise. 

The pledge gave him a nervous smile and gestured towards the door. “You asked us to keep an eye out for anything sketchy.”

“Yeah.” Dean looked at the door and sighed. “It’s not even midnight yet. Did something already happen?”

“I think something is going to.” The kid shifted awkwardly. “Crowley took two girls down there and came back alone. And then three guys went down there a few minutes later.”

“Crowley is the Vice President. Why are you trailing him?” Dean crossed his arms. He already gave Crowley the go ahead for the orgy. If it happens it happens; that was his policy. The kid looked sick now. 

“Sorry, Sir.”

“No it’s fine. Keep an eye out. Crowley is going to be messing around down there. If it gets too rowdy, come find me. Deal?”

“Yeah.” The guy nodded and hurried away. Dean stepped towards the door and put his hand on the knob. He wanted more than anything to go down there. To lose himself in booze and sex. 

“Hey. There you are!” Castiel rounded the corner and waved at him. He jumped away from the door like it burned him. 

“Hey. Uh, what’s up?”

“Nothing.” Castiel gave him a confused look and smiled. “What’s up with you?”

“Oh. Nothing.” Dean moved away from the door and was glad that Castiel followed. 

“Do you want to dance?”

“No.” Dean glanced at the room full of people and shook his head. “Probably not a good idea.”

“Alright.” Castiel looked a little put off. Crowley walked by them, pulling a half-naked girl behind himself. He winked at Dean. 

“Sure you don’t want to join the party?” 

“I’m sure.” Dean avoided both Castiel and Crowley, staring at the ground. “Have fun.” When the door closed behind them Dean jumped a little. Castiel stood in front of him and just stared at the door for a minute. 

“What party?”

“Downstairs.” He scratched his chin. 

“Oh. Gotcha.” Castiel smiled a little. “The creepy virgin sacrifice orgy?”

“That’s the one.” Dean didn’t mean to but he sounded awfully bitter about it. Castiel picked up on it and cocked his head to the side. 

“You want to be down there?”

“Honestly? It sounds like it would be fun.” 

“Then let’s go.” Dean was so surprised he had to take a step back. 

“Excuse me?”

“You aren’t sure what you want yet. I get that.” He smiled. “Let’s go figure it out.”

“I can’t be with you down there.” 

“So don’t be with me. Go down there and be yourself. I’ll watch.”

“You’ll watch?” Dean looked at the drink in Castiel’s hand and nervously smiled. “Are you drunk?”

“I’m tipsy, but that’s not the issue.” He gestured to the door. “I would like to watch you. You’re not my boyfriend and you want to be down there. I don’t mind.”

“That’s weird.” Dean shook his head. “That’d be weird.”

“Yeah, it would be. Let’s do it anyway. No one down there will know about us.”

“Cas, I like to do stuff. Stuff that’s, um.” He shook his head. “Stuff that’s dirty. Bad things. And I want to do them to you.”

“So go down there and show me. Show me what you want to do to me.” Dean felt himself harden in his pants. 

“This is so weird.”

Castiel smiled and moved towards the door. “Let’s do it anyway.”

 

\-----

Castiel was standing against the wall, in between two other guys. They were all watching the little party happening in the center of the basement. Two girls were making out on the couch, while another was giving a guy a blowjob. On the floor, in the center, were two guys. One was lying on his back with a girl on top of him. The other was snug tight in the girl’s asshole. Castiel watched as Dean walked up, his cock in his hand, and guided it to the girl’s open mouth. He hated this. He regretted it. This was stupid. 

He walked over to the keg in the corner and filled his drink. Standing over here he had a new angle; Dean’s naked ass. He watched it for a minute and tried not to feel sick. Someone walked up to him and bumped against his hip. “Does he know you’re here?” Anna asked quietly. Castiel swallowed down the rest of his drink and sighed. 

“Yup.”

“Then why-”

“I told him to. He’s confused and he needed to get everything out of his system.” Castiel finished his drink and went to pour himself another. “I thought it’d be good for him.”

“Well. It sure looks good.” Anna said sarcastically. Castiel laughed but he looked concerned about something. 

“Has he done one of these before?”

“Yeah. They happen pretty often.” She shrugged. “I love sex, don’t get me wrong, but I never saw the appeal of all this.”

“Me either.” Castiel whispered. 

“I see it for him though. It’s a way to be close to guys without being with them.”

“Shhh.” Castiel hissed, shaking his head. Anna smiled and took a drink from her cup. Castiel looked away from her and regretted it immediately. Dean was now the guy behind the girl, his eyes staring daggers into Castiel. He watched him as he thrusted into the girl, a lazy smile on his lips. Castiel was both turned on and sick at the same time. “I need to get out of here.” He whispered to Anna. He placed his drink on the nearest table and ran up the basement stairs. He half expected Dean to follow, half knew he wouldn’t. 

 

\------

 

Dean found him outside his house, sitting in the grass. He was picking at the blades and shredding them, giggling a little bit. He was definitely drunk. “Cas.” Dean whispered, kneeling in the grass in front of the man. Castiel rolled his eyes and laughed. 

“Don’t talk to me.” He slurred. “Why aren’t you in there? Did you run out of girls to fuck?”

“Cas.” Dean felt something inside of him break. “You’re the one who wanted me to do that.”

“I was wrong.” His pretty blue eyes slid shut and Dean saw a small tear roll down his cheek. He wasn’t sure if he was allowed to wipe it away or not. “I didn’t like that at all.”

“I know. I could tell.” Dean settled into the grass and started picking at the blades as well. The party seemed to fall away from him, the music a distant background noise. “I’m   
really sorry.”

“Are you?” Castiel’s voice cracked and he opened his eyes again. “I spent my entire childhood in the closet. I came out when I was sixteen. My father almost disowned me. He cut off my bank account, took my phone, and made me come straight home every day after school. I didn’t have a life anymore. I was lucky I even got to leave town for college. He let me go three states away.”

“I don’t-”

“You don’t understand? Let me paint you a fucking picture. I’m done hiding and being ashamed of who I am.” Castiel stood up, wavering a little on his feet. “I don’t think I’m interested in this situation anymore. Goodbye Dean.”

“Wait. Cas.” He stood up and reached out for the man but he was already out of reach. Dean thought about chasing him but didn’t want to make matters worse. Instead he stormed into the house and straight back downstairs. Anna was standing by the keg when he walked up to it.

“What do you think you’re doing?” She asked as he filled a cup. 

“Drinking.” He turned away from the keg and downed half his drink. Then he smiled. “Then, probably fucking. You in?”

“If you put that down.” She said cautiously. He laughed. 

“Nah. I’ll find someone else.” He pushed away from her and headed back upstairs. His drink was empty by the time he found a pledge. He grabbed the kid’s arm and yanked him forward. “Where’s the liquor?”

“We have some in the living room. And more in the kitchen.” Dean shook his head and laughed. 

“No. The good stuff. The stuff only meant for the house. I know Crowley hides it.”

“You don’t know where?”

“No.” Dean was getting highly impatient. “Where is it?” 

“It’s in the upstairs bathroom. The one that locks.” The kid looked around anxiously. “I don’t have the key. I don’t know where Crowley put it.”

“I’ll find it.” He pushed away and began searching again. Crowley hadn’t been downstairs when he was just down there, but he didn’t seem to be anywhere else either. Finally, Dean tracked him down. He was banging a girl in the pantry off of the kitchen. There were cans of food scattered on the floor and a bag of flour ripped open. 

“Dean. What the fuck?” Crowley yelled as he yanked the door open. 

“Where’s the key to the upstairs bathroom?”

“Why?” Crowley froze and the girl looked at Dean. She seemed quite annoyed. “You can’t go in there, Dean.”

“Shut the fuck up.” Dean ordered. He stepped forward and the girl seemed to shrink back into Crowley. His friend rolled his eyes. 

“Man. I don’t know what your problem is, but-” Dean didn’t listen. He found Crowley’s jeans on the floor and started digging through them. “Dean, stop.” Dean found the key and pushed his way out of the pantry. Crowley yelled after him but didn’t follow. The girl must have been more important. 

Dean literally ran to the bathroom. The decision was made and he couldn’t wait to get his hands on something strong. When he pushed his way through the door he smiled. There was alcohol everywhere. Vodka bottles were lined along the counter. The bathtub was full of tequila and rum. And the toilet seat, the glorious, most beautiful toilet seat, had a brand new bottle of whiskey on it. Dean grabbed that first, then a bottle of grey goose for good measure. 

There was a girl in the hallway. She was talking on her cell phone but hung up just as Dean was locking the door behind himself. “What do you have there?” She asked seductively. Dean lifted the two bottles and smiled. 

“I’m gonna start my own little party. Wanna join?”

“ME?” She asked, looking around for someone else. She might have been a freshman, maybe a sophomore. Either way, she didn’t seem convinced she was worth his time. 

“Yeah, you.”

“Like, in your room?” Dean laughed at her innocence. 

“Is that a problem?” 

“Well, it’s just. I promised my mom that I wouldn’t-” She stopped when she realized how silly that must sound to a guy like him. He smiled softly though. It was kind of cute. 

“Your mom doesn’t want you doing anything dangerous. Like sleeping with a random boy, or going off with him. Right?”

“Yeah.”

“You have a friend here?”

The girl looked over her shoulder quickly. “Yeah. She’s in the kitchen.”

“Grab her and you both can come. I promise I’ll make it worth it.” He winked at the girl and saw her literally melt. She nodded and slinked away. He took the time to open the whiskey and take a few swigs from it. When the girl came back she was holding the hand of another girl. Dean smiled. “Ready, ladies?”


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Dean is a really mean drunk and spirals out of control in this one. It's about to get better.. I promise. But this chapter is a little dark.

Dean had officially gone off the deep end. He was done going to classes and barely doing anything for the fraternity. Crowley was running the upcoming events and was even in charge of the weekly house meetings. 

A week after the Halloween party, Dean got a call from his brother. He begged Dean to come home for thanksgiving. Dean was drunk off his ass. It was just after noon and he had already made a dent in his new bottle of Johnny Walker. So he said yes. Promised he would even come early to watch a basketball game. 

It wasn’t until he sobered up the next morning for an exam he was nowhere ready to take that he realized he only had three weeks before he was going to have to go home. The idea made him drink some more. He didn’t remember taking the test. He thought he remembered it being multiple choice, which was good. As long as he filled in all of the bubble he should have at least passed, right?

Castiel wasn’t answering his calls, or his texts. Every time Dean showed up to the house Castiel was mysteriously not home. He was pretty sure Chuck and Charlie were lying. Every time they did, he drank a little more. 

There was another party the second weekend of November. Dean didn’t remember it. He remembered getting ready for it, picking out his dark jeans and buttoning up his favorite green flannel. He remembered locking up the booze, before stealing a bottle of tequila for himself. He remembered laughing with Crowley and someone offering the group of guys some pills. 

He woke up with a girl in his bed and another on the floor. He didn’t remember their names. He didn’t remember why there was two of them. He didn’t remember if he used a condom. 

The next night was the same. He remembered his jeans and his red flannel. He remembered locking the bathroom. He remembered stealing a bottle, this time vodka. He remembered laughing with Crowley. He remembered someone offering the group of guys some pills. He remembered taking them. 

This time he woke up alone. It was slightly relieving. The relief vanished when he walked into the living room. There were two people sitting on the couch, almost like they were waiting for him. Crowley looked nervous, but Anna was determined. “Dean. Good morning.” She said quietly. He slumped into the chair across from them and sighed. 

“If this is an intervention it’s a sad one.” He looked around and sighed. “Couldn’t find anyone else to care?”

“You don’t want anyone else to know, Dean. Not many options.” He thought of Castiel but didn’t say anything. There was a half empty beer bottle on the side table and he grabbed it, downing the entire thing. It was warm but he didn’t care. 

“What’s up?”

“You need to get yourself under control.” Anna crossed her arms and sat up straight. She looked ready to fight. He didn’t have the energy to. 

“I know.”

“Listen, mate.” Crowley leaned forward and gave his friend a warm smile. “I’m not here to rag on you. If you want to drink, drink man. But you’re close to failing out of school and if you do that you’ll be the first President to do so. Then you lose this house and these guys. You lose us. You go back home. Is that really what you want?”

Dean stared at his feet for a moment. He kicked the hardwood with his toe and sighed. “No.”

“We aren’t saying you have to stop. We both agree you need to decide that on your own. IF we force you, it won’t stick.” Crowley looked at Anna to make sure she agreed. She was nodding as he talked so he continued. “You have to go to class though. You have to pass.”  
“  
Okay.” 

“We’re serious.”

“Shut up. I heard you.” He waved them off. “I’ll start going again. I’ll just drink at night.”

“Thank you.” Anna said quietly. Dean stood up and smiled at them. 

“We done here?” He looked at the clock on the wall. “I have class.”

 

\-----

Castiel was caught up on all of his homework. It was a miracle. He was lying in bed and reading a book when something crashed against his window. He had no idea how it didn’t break. Charlie came rushing into his room and stopped short when she saw the look on his face. “What the hell was that?”

“No idea.” Castiel threw his book aside and stood up. “I’ll go check it out.”

“Want me to come?” 

“I can handle it.” He grabbed a jacket and threw it on over his sweater. His hands were shaking as he made his way around the corner of his house. He had done this before. Been here before. Sure enough, the boy standing there was in fact the same one from before. 

“Cas!” Dean cheered, his hands in the air. He was missing a shoe and when Castiel glanced over at the spot under his window, he found it. 

“Did you throw that at my window?”

“Sure did!” Dean smiled wide at him and rested his hands on his hips. He looked proud. Almost excited. Castiel realized why something was off about him. 

“You’re drunk.”

“Sure am!”

“Dean.” Castiel took a step forward and Dean laughed. 

“I think I fell in love with you.” He was pointing at Castiel. There was a group of boys standing nearby and they were staring. Dean was practically screaming at him. 

“Dean. Let’s go inside. You can come inside.”

“I needed time. I needed you!” There was laughter in his voice but it was cold and dark. Castiel noticed an empty bottle lying on the ground. Dean wasn’t just drunk though. There was something else happening. Something almost manic in his eyes. 

“Are you high?” Castiel stepped forward and grabbed Dean’s shoulders. He shoved him off and laughed again. 

“Don’t touch me!” Castiel looked around and realized they were drawing a crowd. Dean noticed too but didn’t seem to care. His entire body was shaking. Not like he was cold or scared. Like he was energized. Like his body was on fire. 

“Dean. Please come with me. Please.”

“No!” He was bouncing on his feet now, like he was preparing for a fight. Then he turned to the crowd and smiled wide. “I thought I loved him!” He explained to them. A few people shifted awkwardly but no one said anything. He turned back to Castiel and stepped forward. He pushed Castiel a little but it was carefree, almost flirty. “Come on, Cas. Let’s   
fuck.”

“Dean.” Castiel could feel his face heating up. People were murmuring around them. Dean pushed him again but then he grabbed him and pulled him flush against his body. Castiel started shaking. He had never been afraid of Dean before. He never thought he had a mean bone in his body. Then again, the only time he had seen him drunk before Dean was talking about wanting his father dead. 

“I’m gonna fuck you so hard.” His breath was hot and reeked like whiskey. Castiel tried to pull away but Dean’s grip was tight on him. He lowered his voice so that only Castiel could hear. “Help me, Cas. Help me see if I’m really gay. Help me figure it out.”

“Let me go.” Castiel was crying now, his whole body shaking with the sobs. Dean just smiled, his eyes bright and wicked. 

“I can’t let you go. Can’t you see that, Cas? I can’t let you go.”

“Dean.” Anna pushed through the crowd, her voice high and scared. “Dean Winchester. You let him go.” Her voice was firm but Castiel could see her shaking. Crowley was standing behind her. 

“Come on Dean.” 

“Fuck you!” Dean yelled, shoving Castiel away and turning on them. “Fuck all of you.”   
Then, right before everyone’s eyes, his anger evaporated. He laughed and it was so light and airy, so pure, that Castiel had to shiver. When he looked over he saw Chuck and Charlie standing by a tree. He wanted to run to them. He wanted to leave Dean Winchester behind. But he couldn’t. 

“He’s just wasted.” Crowley yelled to everyone. “Nothing to see. Go away.” 

“You heard him.” Dean said quietly. It was meant for Castiel, his green eyes cold and vacant. Castiel didn’t have to be told twice. He turned the other way and ran.


	15. Chapter 15

Dean had never been so sick. He had been on the floor of the bathroom all night, Anna and Crowley taking turns watching him. His vomit had started out full and yellow but by the time the sun was rising it was nothing but air. He continued dry heaving into the toilet for another hour. 

Anna came in just before her early morning class. She rested against the doorframe and sighed. “Are you sober?”

“I think so.” Having to speak made him nauseous again and he began dry heaving. When he finally stopped he rested his cheek on the toilet seat. “I think there’s still a little in my system.”

“You sober enough to talk to Castiel?”

“What?” Dean sat up straight and his head swam. He had to close his eyes to keep from passing out. When he opened them again Castiel was standing there. 

“Hey.” Castiel whispered. 

“Hi.” Dean’s voice was rough from the night of vomiting. Anna excused herself. “You might want to shut the door. The pledges are nosy.” His head was resting on the seat again. He was too dizzy to lift it. 

“I’d prefer if it stayed open.” Castiel whispered. He seemed afraid. Dean couldn’t really blame him. He didn’t remember the night before but Anna had given him the play by play. He was surprised Castiel was willing to be alone with him at all. Castiel walked over to the bathroom sink and turned the faucet on. There was a cloth on the counter and he ran it under the cool water. Then he kneeled down and started dabbing at Dean’s forehead. Dean closed his eyes and hummed. 

“Thank you.” He whispered. Castiel hummed instead of answering. They sat like that for a few minutes. 

“Do you remember last night?” Castiel asked after a while. Dean didn’t open his eyes.

“No.” 

“None of it?”

“I remember dinner. The pledges cooked for us.” He shifted a little because his legs were starting to fall asleep. “I remember the first hour or two of the party. Bits and pieces.”

“Do you remember what you took?” 

“Some of it.” He opened his eyes and regretted it. Castiel looked so concerned. “Michael brought some pills. They were orange. I remember taking a white one too. It was round with a smiley face on it. It made my skin crawl in the best way.”

“Ecstasy.” Castiel whispered.

“Yeah. I think so.” Dean lifted his head a little and the room spun again. He felt like he was going to vomit but fought the urge. “I washed those down with a mixer of rum and whiskey. Then I washed that down with a vodka soda. Then I washed that down with a beer. After that, it’s pretty blotchy.”

“You don’t remember what happened with me?”

“I remember deciding to go outside. But then I remember banging some chick, so I must not have gone outside right away.” All this talking was depleting his energy. He sighed and rested his cheek against the seat again. Then he closed his eyes. “I remember one of the pledges asking me if I was gay, once I was back inside. I don’t remember how I got there, or being outside. I just remember hearing that guy ask that and punching him. Then I remember Crowley dragging me in here. I remember throwing up.” Dean tensed up and his body heaved forward. A sick sound escaped him but he didn’t throw up. It was just another dry heave. 

“You okay?” Castiel asked. 

“Not really.” Dean rested his two elbows on the seat and cradled his head in his hands. “Fuck, Cas. I have to be home this weekend.”

“What?” Castiel sounded shocked. Dean kept his face in his hands and tried to breathe threw the urge to throw up again. His body was starting to shake and he could feel beads of sweat crawling across his skin. 

“For thanksgiving. I promised Sammy I would come home.” He was so hungover he couldn’t tell if he was crying or not. He felt something damp on his hands but he also didn’t have the normal feeling in his throat like when he usually cried. He didn’t really care, honestly. “My mom is going to be there. She’s good again. The hospital is letting her leave for the whole weekend.”

“Dean.” 

“I don’t know how I’ll go the whole weekend sober, Cas. I can barely get through my classes without seriously tweaking.”

“Have you been doing other drugs?”

“I don’t even know.” Dean whispered. “I don’t remember much of anything. These past few weeks are just a blur. There was cocaine in my bedroom the other morning. Don’t remember doing it though.”

“Oh, Dean. I’m sorry.” Castiel shook his head. He looked crushed. Dean lifted his hand to rest it on Castiel’s cheek but he was too weak to keep it there. It slipped away after just a second. 

“Don’t be sorry.” Dean screwed his eyes shut as another lurch rocked through his body. 

“You need to shower. And maybe drink a little water.”

“I was actually wondering if you could get your hands on a bloody mary?”

“Dean. That would be a really bad idea.”

“I need it, Cas. It’ll make this stop.” He lifted his hands to show how hard he was shaking. Castiel didn’t seem to register the point. 

“I’ll go get you some water.”

“Please, Cas. Just one bloody mary. Just one drink.”

“No.” Castiel stood up. “I’ll help you but only if you help yourself. You have to stop.”

“I can’t just stop. You don’t understand.” Before Castiel could say anything, Anna appeared. 

“You two need anything?”

Dean said, “Vodka,” at the same time that Castiel said, “Water.” Anna sighed. 

“How about both?” Castiel argued as Dean agreed. “Dean, you stay here. We’ll be right back.”

She took Castiel’s hand and pulled him along. When they reached the empty kitchen she started moving things around. “You can’t make him stop cold turkey. Do you have any idea what he’s been doing to his body this past month?”

“You can’t honestly be considering giving him alcohol?”

“I’m not considering it. I’m going to do it.” 

“He has to be home, sober, this weekend. He needs to detox now so he has time.”

“It’ll be terrible for him. Detoxing. It’s not good. And he doesn’t handle it well.” She pauses with her hand on the cap of the vodka bottle. “We’ve made him detox once before. It hurts him.”

“Of course it does.” Castiel could feel anger bubbling up inside him. “Listen, classes are optional this week. I’m sure he could use extra credit but I really think he should stay here. I think he should detox.”

“He just needs enough in his system to function. He can slowly ween himself off.”

“You want him to go home, and drink? You want him buzzed around Sam?” 

“I’ll do it.” They both jumped apart. Dean was leaning against the doorframe of the kitchen. “I’ll detox.” His entire body was coated with sweat and he was shaking hard. 

“Dean. You don’t have to.”

“I do.” He walked forward on shaking legs and took the water that Castiel was holding. “On one condition.”

“Anything.” Castiel whispered. 

“Great.” He sipped the water and gagged a little. Then he gave Castiel a weak smile. “You have to come to Thanksgiving with me.”


	16. Chapter 16

Castiel had never felt so sadistic. Dean was fifteen hours into his detox and he was begging for help. Begging for a drink. Begging for pills. He was telling Castiel that his blood was on fire. He was convinced he was burning from the inside. He was vomiting again, clear water now. Castiel kept forcing him to drink more of it. It was the only thing he knew to do. Hydrate. Hydrate. Hydrate. 

The first anxiety attack hit in the middle of the night. He woke up screaming, tearing at the sheets. He was paranoid that Sam was dead. Paranoid that Castiel was going to   
leave him. He started scratching at his skin. Scratching at his face. Castiel and Crowley had to hold him down. He screamed and cried until he finally passed out. Once he was unconscious, Castiel sat in the corner chair in his room and started to sob.

He had asked Anna to bring Dean to the hospital. There were medications. There were doctors that could help. Maybe he should go to rehab. But Dean was on his father’s health insurance and he begged them not to. His father couldn’t know. It was his only request. He even stopped asking for alcohol after that. He promised to behave. 

He was better the next day, and he was also worse. He stopped imagining things. He stopped vomiting. But he was pissed. He was pissed about everything. He threw things across the room and screamed when Anna asked how he was feeling. “How the fuck do you think I’m feeling?” He yelled at her. When Crowley stopped by to bring more water and some toast, he received a sucker punch to the face. “Fuck off!” He had yelled, throwing the glass of water on the floor. It shattered into a million pieces. 

He was manic with Castiel. He was excited every time he walked into the bedroom. He wanted to be all over him. Wanted him to hold him, kiss him. He begged to fuck him. Begged to date him. He offered everything he could just to get Castiel to say yes to being his boyfriend. He laughed at everything Castiel said, even the mundane things like, “Drink your water,” or, “Do you have to pee?” 

When he fell asleep again it was a relief to everyone. Castiel took a nap on the chair while Anna went home to get some work done. Crowley hung out downstairs, taking care of any unwanted questions from the other fraternity members. He was looking forward to everyone leaving for the holiday weekend. 

Dean woke up around midnight Monday night. He settled into the bed and watched the ceiling fan slowly spin. For the first time in weeks, it didn’t make him dizzy. He reached over to the side table and grabbed a bottle of water. He sipped it and cringed. It was warm but it did the trick. 

Something moved in the corner of his room and caught his eye. Castiel was curled up in an awkward ball in his chair. His hair was a curled mess lying across his forehead. His breathing was slow and steady. 

Dean watched him sleep for a while. Just as his thoughts started to wander to where the nearest bottle of booze was, Castiel stirred. When he saw Dean awake he jumped and sat up. 

“You okay?” He asked quickly. He stood up and walked over to the side of the bed. He wasn’t sure which version of Dean he was about to get. He had seen a lot of them.

“Actually, I am.” Dean gave him a little smile. “Thanks.”

“I could get you some water.” Castiel grabbed the glass next to the bed and offered Dean a warm smile. “Are you hungry?”

“Yeah. A little.” Dean scratched his stomach absentmindedly. When was the last time he ate? “Nothing too big, though.”

“No problem.” Castiel shuffled out of the room and towards the kitchen. While he was gone, Dean stretched out on his bed. All of his muscles ached and he was in desperate need of a shower. He searched around for his phone but it was nowhere in sight. He wondered if Sam had tried calling. “I made you some toast.” Castiel said as he closed the door behind himself. Dean sat up in the bed and smiled. 

“Thanks.” He grabbed the plate from Castiel. When he looked at the food his stomach rolled. “Maybe no thanks.” He muttered. 

“Try some little bites. And make sure to drink the water.”

“Okay.” Dean took a sip of water before placing the glass on the side table. Then he started picking at the toast, letting the bread crumble between his fingers. The first piece made his stomach roll again but the second felt a little better. He washed it down with water and sighed. “Hey, have you seen my phone?”

“Yeah. It’s in my bag.” Castiel stood up and started digging in his backpack. “You kept trying to call people. I figured it’d be a good idea to take it.”

“Call people? Who was I trying to call?” Dean wasn’t sure why he couldn’t remember that. He tried to think of who he would have called and a few other memories came flowing back to him. He remembered punching Crowley, and screaming about Sam. He remembered begging Castiel to fuck him. He wanted to cover his face in embarrassment but Castiel handed him his phone before he could. 

“Mostly Sam. And your father.” Dean scrolled through his contacts. He had called Sam just a few hours ago. He didn’t remember that. 

“I called Sam?”

“No.” Castiel looked ashamed. “I did.” 

“You what?”

“He called you like ten times. And he kept texting you. I think he was worried you weren’t coming home.”

“You didn’t tell him, right?” Dean felt panic in his chest. Sam couldn’t know that he was bad again. Castiel shifted awkwardly. 

“I didn’t tell him, no. But he might have figured it out. I told him you were sick. The flu.” Castiel shrugged like it was no big deal but Dean could tell he was nervous. “I told him you were getting better. That you would still be able to come home for Thanksgiving. He seemed excited to see you.”

“Thank you.” Dean nibbled on the corner of his toast. “Are you still willing to come with me?”

Castiel didn’t hesitate with his answer. Nothing had changed. Even though everything had. “Yes.”

“Okay.” Dean squinted at the light coming in from the ceiling. His head was starting to hurt again and he figured that he wasn’t going to be allowed to take Tylenol. “What, um. What day is it?” He blushed red with embarrassment again. Why had he let himself get so out of control? 

“It’s Monday. Well, I guess now it’s Tuesday.” 

“I promised Sam that I would come early. He has a basketball game Tuesday night.” Dean couldn’t believe he was so stupid. If Sam found out, he would never forgive him. 

“We could leave in the morning, if you’d like.” Dean nodded. He still felt a little shaky and his stomach was starting to ache. He wasn’t sure if he was ready to sit in a noisy gym and cheer for two hours. “You should shower. It’ll help.”

“You’re right.” Dean put his plate next to the water and moved towards the edge of the bed. When he stood up his legs shook. Castiel watched him but didn’t offer to help. He looked concerned. “Stay here, will you?”

“Of course.” Castiel smiled but it didn’t reach his eyes. “I’ll be right here.”

 

\----

When Dean came back he was like a different man. He showered for almost an hour, just letting the hot water wash over him. When he came back he smelt like himself again, and his hair was back to its normal softness. Castiel had to fight the urge to touch it. Instead, he focused on changing Dean’s sheets to a clean set. Dean searched for his boxers behind him, in nothing but a fluffy, blue towel. 

“Did you wash my sheets?”

“No. I brought over a set from our house. We keep clean ones for guests.”

“Oh. Thank you.” Dean was standing now, just beside Castiel, in his boxers instead of his towel. The sight wasn’t any less attractive. 

“Can I get you anything else?” Castiel asked quietly. He stood beside the bed, not sure what to do with his hands. He tugged on his sweater. 

“No. You’ve done plenty, Dean.” 

“I’ll get out of your hair then. I’ll just be next door if you-”

“You said you would stay.” 

“Oh.” Castiel wrapped his arms around his stomach. “I did, yes. I just thought you wanted me to stay until you got out of the shower.” 

“No. I don’t want to be alone.” 

“Okay.” Castiel slumped down into the chair in the corner. A throw blanket was folded neatly over the back of it and he grabbed it, pulling it around himself. Dean watched him, standing frozen by the bed. 

“You can’t sleep on that.” Dean said firmly. Castiel scrunched his nose at the floor and Dean laughed. “Not the floor, crazy. Sleep with me.”

“Dean.”

“Just sleep, Cas. Nothing crazy.”

“I don’t think I’m ready to be in a relationship right now.” Castiel bit his lip. “I don’t think you’re ready.”

“Okay.” Dean sat on the edge of the bed and sighed. “Sleep with me anyway.”

“Dean.” 

“Sleep with me anyway.”

“I think it’d be smart for me to stay on the chair. You’re still not feeling the best and you need your rest.”

“Yes.” Dean said simply, pushing the covers of his bed back so he could slide under them. He wasn’t even looking at Castiel. “Sleep with me anyway.”

Castiel could think of a thousand things to say. A thousand reasons to leave and go home, or at the very least, to sleep on the chair. He didn’t say anything, though. Instead, he made his way to the bed and climbed in. They settled into the mattress, a good twelve inches between them. Dean was so exhausted; he fell asleep within minutes. Castiel laid there for at least another hour, his heart pounding in his chest.


	17. Chapter 17

They drove for what felt like an eternity. Dean still wasn’t feeling the best, insisting they keep the air on high even though it was winter. He felt like he was spiking a fever. He ended up getting a terrible headache at some point, turning off the music and laying back in his seat. Castiel offered him Tylenol but they both knew it wouldn’t be a good idea. 

“I think the exit is coming up.” Castiel said after gently shaking him awake. Dean rubbed at his eyes and rolled his neck, trying to stretch the knotted muscles. Then he squinted against the sunshine to read the road signs. 

“Yeah. It’s 139.” He sighed and Castiel couldn’t help but noticed the shift in his demeanor. He had been in good spirits most of the trip, despite not feeling well, but now he looked as if his body had become heavy. Anxiety was etched across his face. 

“Maybe you should let Sam know that we’re close?” Castiel pushed his turn signal and started getting into the right line. They were only three exits away. 

Dean stared out the window. “I wasn’t planning on going home right away. Sam will still be in school.”

“Oh. Okay.” Castiel tapped his fingers on the steering wheel. They felt numb from how cold the inside of the car was. Even though there was no snow in Kansas, the air was still chilled. The fact that the dial in the car was set to “high cold” didn’t help matters. 

“There’s a roadhouse I wanted to stop at. It’s right off the exit.”

“A bar?”

“Did I say it was a bar?” The question was harsh and defensive. Castiel could feel himself flinching away from the man beside him. 

“No.” Castiel put his turn signal on again, this time for the exit. “But most roadhouses happen to be a bar.”

“It’s not why I want to go there.”

“So you admit that it’s a bar?” 

“Fuck you.” Dean stared out the window but when Castiel chanced a glance at him he could see the lightest of smiles on his lips. “I don’t want to go to drink. My family owns it.”

“You never mentioned that.” 

“Well, it’s not really my family. But they’re damn close. The owner is a woman named Ellen. She took it over when her husband died. He was good friends with my dad, and Ellen kind of helped out over the years- when everything went south. She even tried fostering us, but the state didn’t allow it.”

“I’m looking forward to meeting her, then.” 

“Oh, so is she.” Dean chuckled and Castiel looked at him curiously. “I’ve told her all about you. She’s excited to see the man that tamed the beast.”

“Well, I wouldn’t say that.” Castiel smiled though. “You’re sure you’ll be good there?”

“Yeah. It’s up ahead, that building.” Castiel slowed the car down and got ready to turn into the drive. “She knows about what happened this weekend. I called her before we left. I don’t keep secrets from Ellen.”

“She won’t tell your father? Or Sam?”

“No. She would never.” Castiel put the car in park. He was surprised to see how busy the place was, this early in the day. Especially since it seemed to be in the middle of nowhere. They both climbed out of the car, Castiel ordering Dean to put his jacket on even though he wasn’t cold. Then Dean led them to the front door. 

Despite how quiet it was outside; the inside was incredibly loud. People were laughing and yelling at each other from across the room. The jukebox in the corner was playing an old Styx song and it seemed to be turned up to the loudest setting. That still didn’t stop people from hearing the bell chime above the door as they walked in. Most people ignored them, but a few stopped and stared. This included the woman tending the bar. 

“Dean Winchester.” She smiled wide and walked around to meet them. Castiel tried not to notice how a few men were looking at them. The woman wrapped her arms around Dean and pulled him into a tight hug. To Castiel’s surprise, Dean let her. When the woman pulled away Dean gestured to Castiel. “This is Cas, my, um, my friend. Cas, this is Ellen.”

“I’ve heard so much about you. Although, what this knuckle head says has to be taken with a grain of salt.” Ellen placed both hands on his cheeks and smiled. She was gentle but her hands felt strong. Castiel liked her already. “Thank you.” She whispered, pulling him into a hug so that Dean didn’t hear her. He clutched at her back and smiled. 

“Not a problem.” She pulled away and he thought he saw a tear in her eye. If it was there it was gone before he could take a second look. She was already pulling them towards the bar, where two open seats waited for them. Dean slouched into one of them like he had done it a million times before. Castiel figured he had. 

“What would you like to drink, Castiel?” Ellen settled behind the counter and grabbed two glasses. She filled the first with ice and water, then looked at Castiel. 

“I’ll have a Coke, please.”

“Me too.” Ellen gave Dean a dirty look, then handed him the water. Dean stared at it for a moment and Castiel waited for a sarcastic comment or an argument. Dean seemed to deflate before taking a sip of his water. Castiel looked at Ellen with his eyebrows raised while she poured his soda. He was very impressed. 

“I might have to ask you to teach me that trick.” He said when she handed the glass to him. 

“What trick?” Then she glanced at Dean sipping his water and winked. “Oh. That, my dear, comes with years of practice. And a few ass kicking’s.” 

Dean looked at both of them fondly and kept drinking his water. Castiel smiled. “I’m really glad to meet you.” Before Ellen could say anything a perky blonde girl rounded the corner. She was in an oversized flannel and tight blue jeans. Castiel couldn’t help but notice the sound Dean’s glass made when he slammed it down. Or the way his eyes lit up. 

“Dean Winchester. As I live and breathe.” She stopped short at the bar and put her hands on her hips. Castiel already hated her. “I didn’t think you’d show.”

“Here I am.” Dean gave her his cocky, one sided smile. She rounded the corner of the bar and threw her arms around him. Castiel narrowed his eyes at the two of them. The hug lingered longer than he wished it would. Who was this girl? 

“I still can’t believe you’re here.” She finally pulled away, holding him at arms-length. It appeared that she was checking him for some sort of injury or mistake. 

“You know Sammy. He’s a persistent little asshole.” 

“Ain’t that the truth.” She let go of Dean and it was like he finally remembered that Castiel was there. He took a step back from the girl and awkwardly waved Castiel forward. 

“This is my friend, Cas.” The second time he didn’t hesitate on the word friend and Castiel felt a little pang in his chest. “Cas, this is Ellen’s daughter. Jo.”

Jo put her hand out and Castiel took it. He leveled his gaze with her. “Seems like she’s a bit more than that.” He knew he sounded territorial but he didn’t care. Jo didn’t seem to mind. She let go of his hand and smiled softly. Ellen was watching close. 

“You’re right. He’s practically my brother.” 

“You never dated?” He could feel Dean’s hot gaze on his back. Jo laughed it off though. 

“No, Castiel. He’s family.” She took a step back, leaving Castiel much closer to Dean than her. “But it seems like you’re a bit more than a friend.” 

Dean’s breath hitched and Castiel decided he hated himself. Did he really just fucking ‘out’ the man he loved? He went to apologize but Dean placed a hand on his shoulder and smiled. 

“We aren’t ready to be in a relationship yet. I have a lot to work on first.” Castiel held his breath. Was that Dean coming out? He was under the assumption no one knew yet. Not even his best friends or his brother. 

“Jo, table five needs refills.” Ellen yelled. Jo winked at Castiel and ran off to the table. The air felt heavier all of a sudden as Ellen moved to the other end of the bar. Dean slumped back in his chair and stole Castiel’s coke, taking a long pull from it before sliding it back to its original spot. Castiel sat down beside him. 

“So, I’m really fucking sorry about that.” 

“Don’t be.” He was staring at the lines of alcohol bottles on the wall. 

“Dean.”

“They knew. I mean, they didn’t know. But, they knew.” He looked away from the wall and offered Castiel a smile. “Does that make sense?”

“Yeah. It does.” He ran a finger down the condensation of his glass. “Dean, why didn’t you tell them? They seem like the exact type of people you could have told.”

“I didn’t know then. In this town, there isn’t much to offer. I knew I found a few guys hot but I just thought it was puberty. I was so damn horny all the time, I figured I just didn’t care. It wasn’t until college I realized I was actually, ya know. I realized I preferred guys. It was a bit of a lightbulb moment.”

“And you didn’t tell them?”

“Ellen calls every Sunday to check in, but it was kind of awkward to throw it out there. Like, ‘Hey, Ellen. I got an A on my exam and I also prefer fucking guys in the ass.’” Castiel   
choked on his drink and laughed. Dean seemed proud. 

“How do you think they knew?”

“Oh, God. Ellen knows everything, Cas. Plus, the first guy I kissed was here. He was a hunter.”

“A hunter?” Castiel asked quietly. Dean shrugged. 

“Yeah. He was seriously hot and he was from out of town so there wasn’t any risk. I thought he was just staying one night but he stayed the whole weekend. Came back looking   
for me the next day. Ellen didn’t tell my dad or anything, but she warned me about it. She kind of came out and said it without coming out and saying it. Without making me come   
out and say it. Ya know?”

“That’s really nice.” Castiel looked over at Ellen and caught her smiling at them. He smiled back. “I’m excited to meet Sam.”

“I’m excited too. Nervous, though. He doesn’t know yet.”

“Yet?”

“Yeah. I, um, thought I’d tell him. Tonight. I can’t just say I’m going to work on me. I have to actually do it.”

“Are you going to tell your dad?”

Dean actually threw his head back and laughed. The sound echoed, despite how loud the bar was. “That would be suicide. No. You see, with Sammy I’m just worried about disappointing him. I don’t want him to see that I’m not the man he wants me to be. With my father, it’s asking for at least a punch to the face. If not a full beat down. It’d end badly. Very badly.”

“Oh.” Castiel pushed his drink away. “Maybe I shouldn’t be here Dean. I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“It’ll be fine. He’ll be on his best behavior with my ma around.”

“If you say so.”

“Hey, it’s gonna be fine.” Dean leaned forward, going in for a kiss, but remembered where they were. It was sad for Castiel to see him take that step back. “We should probably head to the gym soon. I think Sam’s game is at six.”

“Alright. Did you want to stop at home first?”

“No. I told my dad I would see him at the game. It’s just easier that way. Less awkward.” Ellen reappeared. 

“You two fixing to eat something?”

“Yes.” Dean sounded almost desperate at the idea of food. It made both Ellen and Castiel laugh. “Please tell me you aren’t going to force me to eat a salad.”

“There’s no salad on my menu, boy. You can have a damn burger.” She winked at Castiel. “What about you?”

“I’ll have the same.”

“Good. I’ll put it right in.”

“Thank you.” Both boys said together. Jo took her mother’s place, leaning against the bar and smiling at them. 

“Mind if I join ya, tonight? I haven’t made it to any of his games yet. I feel terrible.”

“No problem.” Dean smiled at her and Castiel had no idea how he didn’t see it before. She looked at him like a mother, or a sister. There wasn’t an ounce of romance in it. 

“We’re joining ya’ll for Thanksgiving this year, too. Everyone is going to Bobby’s.”

“No way. That old fart is actually hosting a Thanksgiving?”

“Yeah. He even offered to try and make pie.” Dean almost spit out his water. 

“NO!” He looked at Castiel with wide eyes. “Someone’s going to bring extra, in case? Right?”

“Dean.”

“This is a serious matter.” He was still looking at Castiel. “Please tell me that you know how to bake pie.”

“Yes. I can make blueberry, apple, pecan-”

“Marry him.” Jo interrupted. Dean and Castiel both looked up at her, Dean smiling. 

“I just might.”

\-----

Dean was exhausted by the time they got to the game. They grabbed him a bottle of water and a snack before heading into the gym. For almost five minutes they searched the crowd for his father. Then Jo suggested that he might not be there yet. The game still wasn’t starting for another twenty minutes. 

They decided to pick out a seat towards the middle. Dean didn’t last more than a minute before stealing Castiel’s popcorn. “You can’t expect me to just eat a granola bar. What kind of concession stand even sells these?”

“The good kind.” Castiel pulled his bucket of popcorn away from Dean. “Eat your damn granola bar.”

“You make me want to drink.” He said it with a smile but Castiel didn’t laugh. Neither did Jo. “Lighten up, you guys.”

Before either of them could respond he started cheering and clapping. Sam’s team was filing onto the court now, starting to warm up. A tall, lanky kid with a mop for hair was scanning the crowd. Castiel could tell instantly that he was Sam. Especially when he found Dean, his face splitting into a huge grin. Dean waved and the kid waved back. 

“Is that Sam?” Castiel asked but Dean wasn’t listening. He was already making his way towards Sam, leaving Castiel and Jo to sit by themselves. Castiel watched him hurry over to his brother. When he reached Sam he threw his arms around him, pulling him in for a hug. The coach glanced over at them but didn’t say anything. 

“When was the last time they saw each other?” Castiel asked.

“I’m not sure. Dean tries to keep in touch with Sam the most. It’s hard though. They’re both busy and Dean’s pretty far away. Plus, ya know, John.”

“Ah, yes. John.” Castiel sighed. The two brothers were talking to each other, both smiling wide. “What should I know about him?”

“I don’t even know where to start.” Jo sighed. “He won’t like you two, that’s for sure.”

“I don’t think Dean plans on telling him.”

“Dean is smart, but he also lives in this lovely place called denial. John knows. He’s known for years, just like the rest of us.”

“Seriously?” Castiel recoiled. “Wait, does Sam know?”

“Yeah. I mean, I think so. No one comes out and says it, ya know? My mom and I talked about it but we’re different. John has made a few comments that suggest he knows. And Sam asked me last year what I thought John would do if he found out one of them was gay. And Sam is in a committed relationship with this girl named Jess. Totally obsessed with her. He wasn’t asking for himself.”

“Shit. You should tell Dean.”

“No. It’s better if he comes out himself. It’ll mean more for him.”

“That’s true.” Castiel thought about what to ask next. There were a million questions when it came to John. Just as he decided on his next one, Jo inhaled sharply. 

“Speaking of.” Before Castiel could ask, there was a tall man standing before him. He was in a thin leather jacket and work boots. He frowned at Castiel, then looked at Jo. 

“Where is he?”

“He went to see Sam. Down on the court.” John glanced down at the court and made a noise. When he looked back he didn’t seem impressed. His eyes landed on Castiel again   
and he wondered if he was going to say anything. Acknowledge him somehow. He didn’t. His focus was entirely on Jo, as if Castiel wasn’t there. 

“He good?”

“Not really, no.” Jo pushed a strand of hair away from her face. “John, this weekend is going to be a lot for him. Don’t push him.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means he relapsed. You should know something about that, yes?” John locked his jaw and stared at her. Then he glanced back at Dean. 

“I didn’t even know he was sober.” He sat down, right next to Castiel. Dean spotted them and froze, his hand settled on Sam’s arm. Jo leaned forward. 

“This guy got him sober.” John didn’t look at him. He just grunted and glanced down at his phone. Dean walked up the bleachers slowly, stopping in front of his father. 

“Dad.”

“Dean.” The two men stared at each other, one angry and the other sad. Castiel itched to touch Dean. John stood up and hugged his son. It was awkward and a bit distant but it still took Castiel by surprise. When they sat down, John moved over so there was a space for Dean next to Castiel. The younger man took the opportunity and sat down. They all sat in silence for a long time. The game wasn’t almost starting before one of them stirred. It was John. 

“Are you eating a fucking granola bar?” 

“Yes.” Dean grumbled, taking a big bite and talking with his mouth full. “I don’t want to talk about it.”


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here's some much needed brother time. Enjoy (:

They went home straight after the game. Dean whispered directions from the passenger seat as Castiel drove through the light fog. His thoughts were elsewhere. His father hadn’t said one word to him since asking about the granola bar. It was almost as if Dean hadn’t showed up to the game at all. They stood together when Sam scored, they booed when he got a foul. But not once did they acknowledge the other’s existence. They still had a night and a full day before Thanksgiving with everyone else and Dean was starting to wonder if he should have come at all. 

When they pulled into the driveway, Dean felt a weight rest on his shoulders. He looked around, his head pounding, and realized that nothing had changed. The swing on the front porch was still broken from the time his father dragged him off it, his ankle catching and yanking the wooden arm off. The small light to the left of the front door was still burnt out. The grass was tamed but long, and certain spots were shorter than others. 

“You ready?”

“Not really, no.” He looked over at Castiel and gave him a nervous smile. 

“We should just rip it off. Like a band aide.” 

“Good idea.” He meant for his fingers to travel towards the door handle but instead they found Castiel’s fingers. They were smooth and cool to the touch. When Dean brushed against them, something inside himself calmed immediately. 

At the same time, they reached for their doors and pushed them open. The cool air washed over them as they headed towards the trunk of the car. Castiel quietly shut it after Dean grabbed their suitcases. They stood in the same spot and stared at the house for a moment. “You know, I never asked. Why didn’t you have to go home for your own families thanksgiving?”

“My family doesn’t really do holidays.” Castiel squinted up at the house. “The Novak’s don’t like to spent much time together. My mother usually has charity galas at Christmas time and my father is a history professor. He doesn’t understand why we still celebrate Thanksgiving. He could go for an hour about our treatment of the Native Americans.”

“Sounds intense.”

“Oh, that’s nothing.” Castiel continued staring. “Thank you for inviting me to your home, Dean.”

Dean scoffed, his eyebrows shooting up. “It’s a house.” He adjusted his grip on the suitcase and shook his head. “It was never a home.” 

They started towards the door and Sam met them there. He stood a few inches above Dean but he still looked so damn young. His bright puppy dog eyes were wide as he looked at Castiel. “Hey. It’s nice to finally meet you.” He took a step forward and offered him his hand. Castiel took it with a smile. 

“It’s nice to meet you as well, Sam. I’ve heard a lot of great things.”

“I’d say the same for you but Dean speaks in very short sentences.” They both laughed and Dean scowled at them. 

“It’s freezing out here. Move it, kid.” He pushed his brother aside and dragged the suitcases into the house. Nothing had changed inside either. Same entry way with mismatched shoes. Same living room with a wide screen television and a few empty beer bottles. Same old leather couch and recliner. Dean paused. The game was on and there was a beer on the side table, but no man in the recliner. He stared for a full ten seconds before Castiel pushed him forward so he could close the door. 

John came around the corner at the same moment. He was holding a garbage bag and piling empty beer bottles into it. Dean was impressed but he knew it was just for appearances. Appearances for Castiel, not for Dean. “Hey, thought you had to stop for gas.” He sounded winded, like he had been rushing to clean up. 

“We did.” The two men stared at each other. Castiel wasn’t sure if he should cut the tension or not. Sam did instead. 

“It’s fine dad. Dean lives in a frat house. They’re both probably used to the mess.”

John grunted. He didn’t look at Castiel but it was clear when he spoke that he was speaking to him. “You at that house often?”

Castiel jumped a little. “Every once in a while.”

“But you don’t live there?” John went back to cleaning, still not looking directly at Castiel. It was unnerving. 

“No. I live next door. Thank God too, because that house is impossible to sleep in.”

John’s head snapped up and his eyes met Dean’s. “How do you know it’s hard to sleep there?”

“Oh, I-”

“He’s my neighbor. He can hear how loud it is.”

“Right.” John stopped cleaning and tugged the bag closed. “Well, he can sleep on the couch. Much quieter than the frat house.” 

Dean rolled his eyes. Castiel could feel a fight brewing. He stepped forward. “The couch will be just fine, Sir. Thank you.”

John didn’t say anything, or look at him. Castiel didn’t expect him to. He wasn’t surprised when he walked out of the room either. Dean watched him go before sighing. “Well, there he goes.”

“He’s not coming back?” 

“No. He’ll be out for the night.” Sam said quietly. “His room is down there.”

“Trust me, it’s for the better. A few more beers and the night would have taken a different tone.”

“Angry drunks run in the family.” Castiel meant for it to make Dean laugh. He had been the one earlier to ask them to lighten up about the whole thing. The reaction was not what he expected though. Dean’s whole body went rigid and Sam slowly turned to look at him. 

“You been telling stories?” Sam’s voice shook. “Or as he seen for himself?”

“Sammy.”

Castiel stepped forward. “Dean, I’m sorry.” 

“Don’t be. It was an accident.” He put a hand up to stop Castiel. Then he looked at his brother. “Why don’t we all turn in for the night? Talk in the morning?”

“Don’t push this off, Dean.”

“I won’t. We can talk tomorrow, I swear.” Sam stared his brother down. Castiel wanted to melt into the floor and die a little. First he messed up at the Roadhouse and now here with Sam. Dean shouldn’t have brought him. He wasn’t helping, he was destroying. 

\----

Sam woke him up just before sunrise. Dean had slept like shit, fighting a mix of nausea and cold sweats. The withdrawals were a lot better but he was still struggling. His brother wouldn’t let him go back to sleep. He insisted on waking up and talking. 

“I want to show you something.” Sam whispered in the dark. Dean squinted at the alarm clock. 

“It’s way too early, Sammy.”

“We have to go before Dad and Castiel wake up.” 

“Okay.” Dean laid back and breathed for a count of five before sitting up. The room spun for just a moment before coming into dark focus. He found his jeans in a puddle on the floor and yanked them on. His jacket was slung on the chair in the corner and he pulled it over his faded shirt. “Where are we going?”

Sam hushed him and opened the bedroom door. They snuck into the hallway and moved quietly through the house. They passed their father’s bedroom, then Castiel sleeping with one leg hanging off the couch. When they got outside Dean started towards the impala.

“We don’t need that. It’s walking distance.”

“Okay.” Dean tugged his jacket tighter around himself and followed his little brother. They hiked through the longer grass and up over the small hill in their backyard. Dean could see his breath and he hoped it would warm up the next day for Thanksgiving. He was looking forward to a little football game while the turkey cooked. 

“Sam, where are we going?”

“Just trust me.” They kept moving. They crossed a few streets until they reached a clearing. “Just another minute or two.” Sam promised, looking up at the sky like they were racing the sun. Dean checked his watch and hoped Castiel wouldn’t wake up. He really didn’t want John messing anything up for him. 

Just as Dean was about to say his fears out loud, they reached a little opening in the woods. A giant slab of rock was jutting over the water, the sun rising just above the tree line. There was a fishing pole and tackle box in the middle of it, along with something big under a blue tarp. “I found it after you moved out.” Sam pushed the fishing stuff aside and pulled the tarp off. A few drops of water sprayed across the rock and Dean saw what was underneath; a wooden crate full of books. “I come out here to think sometimes.”

“What about the other times?” Dean asked, sitting down on the edge and letting his legs dangle. Sam joined him. 

“Sometimes I come if dad gets too bad.” He picked at the rock and threw a pebble into the water. It caused a few tiny ripples. “Sometimes I bring Jess.”

“Eww, gross.”

“Shut up.” Sam threw another rock and laughed a little. “It’s an eight-minute walk. Just close enough to be convenient but far enough away to, well, be away.”

“I’m kind of jealous. I would have loved this.” Dean looked across the water and breathed it all in. He was glad Sam had something like this. Something solid and dependable. He wasn’t ready to talk about anything, but he knew Sam was. 

“When did you start again?”

“I had a little slip up at the beginning of the school year. I had it under control fast though. Then everything fell apart at the Halloween party.”

“What happened?”

“Everything, Sam. I got into a fight with Cas and I was worried about you. My grades were slipping and I wasn’t really sure who I was anymore.” His cheeks flushed red. 

“What do you mean?” Dean shrugged and threw a bigger rock into the water. This time the ripples were large and didn’t fade for a while. “Dean?”

“I like guys, Sam.” It came out in a rush of breath. Sam didn’t say anything for a moment. Then he looked over at Dean and smiled wide, throwing his arm around him.

“No shit. Glad you finally realized.” All of the weight on Dean’s shoulders seemed to lift. At least for now, he was okay. Sam still loved him. 

“How long did you know?”

“I didn’t know for sure. I mean, you like girls too, yeah?”

“Yeah. Not as much though.”

“Nothing wrong with that. You don’t have to label it Dean.”

“I know. Easier said than done, though.” Neither of them said anything for a minute. Then Dean sighed. “I started drinking because I couldn’t admit it. I could feel Cas slipping   
through my fingers and I still couldn’t man up and admit it. Once I started I couldn’t stop. I started doing drugs.”

“Dean.”

“I know.”

“Dean.”

“I know.” He let out a long breath and shook his head. “I know, Sammy.”

“Are you sober now?”

“Yeah. It’s all a blur but I think I started detoxing on Sunday? Maybe Saturday? Shit, I don’t know.”

“Cas helped you?”

“Yeah. Him and a few good friends.”

“Good.” Sam stared at his brother. “What was it like?”

“What part?”

Sam shrugged and he looked embarrassed. “All of it.”

Dean had to think for a while. He hadn’t asked himself that. He had just been trying to survive. “Falling in love with Cas was like drinking mom’s sweet iced tea after mowing the lawn. You remember that? I couldn’t finish the glass fast enough.” Sam smiled and nodded. “Losing him was like the first time dad punched him. I saw it coming, knew inevitably that it would happen sooner than later, but it still hurt like a bitch. Still left me breathless.

“Relapsing felt kind of like that iced tea again, but with a really bad after taste. It was like the more you drank the worse it got. The more you needed. It was never enough, and never good enough. And being sober, well. I’m not sure yet. Right now it sucks balls, but it’s a hell of a lot better than before. I was a wreck these past couple of days. I don’t remember everything that happened but I remember parts and they weren’t pretty. And I woke up with scratches on my face and unfortunately I have a feeling I put them there.

“Being home though. That’s something else. It’s great to see you, but it’s hard being near him. Especially since he’s drinking.”

“Tomorrow will be easier, with everyone around. Or maybe not. Depending on how mom does.” Sam spoke quietly. His mind was elsewhere but Dean didn’t ask him to come back. He changed the topic, trying to keep the conversation light. 

“I figured, since dad will be at work today, that the three of us could do something. I want you and Cas to get to know each other.”

“Sounds good.” Sam swung his feet back and forth. Then he sighed. “Don’t drink again, Dean.”

“I won’t.”

“You’ve said that before.”

“Yeah, well.” He looked out at the water. The sun was fully risen now. John would be waking up for work any minute. “This time I’ll have to mean it.”

“Is it scary?”

“What?” Dean looked at his brother and realized for the first time how grown he was. He was staring at a man instead of a boy. 

“Having something to lose?”

“Sam. I’ve always had something to lose. I never wanted to lose you.” Sam rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, but that’s different. You know you’d never lose me.”

“I know.” Dean scratched the back of his head. “I guess it is a little scary.” 

Sam seemed to be thinking about something. It took him a few minutes of sitting there before he said anything. “You used to beg dad to make that iced tea. Every time he did it was wrong though. I remember it drove you crazy. You started dreaming of the stuff. Do you remember that? You would wake up with the taste in your mouth and insist that mom had brought you some, even though she obviously hadn’t.”

“I remember.” Dean wiped at his face. He was definitely NOT about to cry. 

“Dad’s iced tea was always wrong.”

“Yeah.”

“It’s not wrong with Cas?”

“NO.” Dean breathed. “It’s perfect.”

Sam stood up and brushed off his jeans. He looked accomplished. “You’ve been searching for that recipe for years Dean. I’m really glad you found it, but don’t fuck it up.” He started walking towards the woods again, expecting his brother to follow. Dean stood there, astounded, before putting his right foot forward and moving.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Might want to sit down for this one. John Winchester might ACTUALLY not be a total piece of shit.

Dean offered to help make the Thanksgiving meal. He showed up at Bobby’s just after sunrise, with a sleepy Castiel and Sam dragging behind him, and two grocery bags worth of food. Bobby was already awake, swearing at the inside of an oven. Sam led Castiel to the living room and they both collapsed onto the furniture there. They had hit it off the day before, driving Dean insane. 

When they shopped, they both wanted to go to the bookstore. They picked an artsy movie instead of the new superhero movie Dean suggested. When they went out to eat, at the Roadhouse again, they both agreed that Dean should drink some more water. “You can have soda tomorrow. As a treat for the holiday.” They had said. He felt like a child. 

“Is the oven broken? Dean asked Bobby, setting the bags down and walking towards the appliance. Bobby frowned at him. 

“Who the hell knows? It hasn’t been used in months.” Dean laughed and crouched down. It was an old oven but he figured he could fix it. Bobby moved away to let Dean work, accepting defeat. Cars were always his thing, just like Dean, but he never branched out from that. Dean did. He was the type of person that enjoyed fixing everything. It brought him peace. 

“There we go.” Dean said after a minute of Bobby sorting through his bags. “Just had a line disconnected.”

Bobby grunted and lifted a container of blueberries. “You bought pie ingredients?”

Dean gave him his best version of an innocent smile. “I thought I could help you bake yours.”

“Yeah, I bet you did.” Bobby grumbled, continuing to pull out more ingredients. He made faces at half of them. “What the hell is this all for?”

“Bobby, you have to make more than turkey and potatoes for Thanksgiving.”

“Who the hell says?” Dean laughed and so did Bobby. The two men stared at each other, smiling, for a moment. Then it dawned on Bobby that he hadn’t even said hello yet. “Come here, boy.”

Dean fell into his arms easily; the father he had always wished to have. When they pulled away Bobby clapped him on the shoulder. “You want something to drink?” Dean wavered for a moment. How much did Bobby know? Could he get away with a beer? “I have water, milk, or a pot of coffee brewed on the counter.” That’s when Dean remembered that it was seven in the morning. Beer wouldn’t even be an option to a normal person right now. He shook his head and made his way to the coffee pot. 

“So Ellen mentioned that she met your friend.” Dean focused on pouring his coffee for a moment, trying to think of what to say. Bobby took his silence as an invitation to press further. “Is he a close friend?”

“Pretty close.” Dean croaked out. He added too much sugar and milk but didn’t care. Castiel and Sam weren’t around to bitch at him about it. 

“How did you meet?” Bobby wasn’t the type to ask questions. Dean’s skin itched at how personal he was getting. 

“He’s my neighbor. He always came and complained about noise.”

“And you thought it was cute? Him getting all mad?” Bobby froze after saying the words. Dean’s cheeks were bright red. “I just meant-”

“Who told you?” Dean felt his world slipping from him. Everyone else assuming that about him was one thing, but Bobby? If Bobby could catch on, so could John. 

“Ellen mentioned something.” Bobby looked ashamed of himself. “She’s helping out at the Roadhouse for the first half of the day and wanted to make sure I’d be a buffer when John comes later.”

“We don’t need a buffer.” Even as he said it he knew it probably wasn’t true. “I was going to tell you.”

“I know.”

“It wasn’t right for her to tell you.”

“Dean. I knew.” Bobby put his hand on Dean’s shoulder but Dean pulled away. 

“How? How did everyone fucking know, except for me?”

“Dean.”

“Does he know?” His entire body was shaking. He wasn’t sure if it was from anger or fear. There was movement in the corner of the room but he didn’t notice it. “Does my father know?”

“Dean.”

“Does he know?”

“Dean, we both know he does. He’s known for years.”

“Years! So you’ve all just let me hate myself? You’ve all just sat back and watched while I let it tear me apart?”

“Dean.”

“Don’t!”

“Dean.” Castiel’s voice was clear and warm, floating across the room to him. His body stopped shaking and he searched for the source. He was standing in the doorway, a baggy sweater hanging off his shoulder. Sam was slightly behind him, afraid. Dean had never yelled at Bobby before. He only ever got angry at John. “Why don’t you show me that car you restored your Senior year? You said it was in the yard, right?”

Bobby nodded. “It’s by the garage. I’ve kept it up for you.” Dean didn’t respond. He grabbed his jacket off the counter and stormed out of the room. The door slammed behind him and Castiel walked towards it. Sam and Bobby watched him go, both thankful and amazed that Dean had someone to chase him now. 

Castiel found him leaning against a car beside the garage, his palms resting on the hood. His head was bowed and he looked as if he was fighting the urge to run. He watched him for a moment, examining the way his body bent and curved. Then he spoke. “Dean.”

“I’m sorry. You shouldn’t have seen that.” He raised his head and squinted up at the sun. “Sam shouldn’t have had to see that.”

“It’s fine.” Castiel wasn’t sure what to do with his hands. He crossed his arms over his chest and walked forward, not stopping until he was standing beside Dean. “Try not to worry about your father today. I don’t think he’ll start anything with your mother here.”

“Maybe I want to start something.” Dean’s body shuddered with the force of his anger. He was visibly fighting the urge to drink. It was so obvious it made Castiel’s heart   
ache. “I want to punch that son of a bitch right in the face. I just want to tear him apart.” 

“Dean.”

“How could he do that to me?” Dean finally looked up and Castiel saw that one lone tear was streaked down his cheek. “He knew everything I went through. Everything with my   
mom. He was supposed to be there for me. He was supposed to,” he choked and wiped his face. “He was supposed to fucking love me.”

“I know.” Castiel was totally out of his element here. He knew Dean’s life was messy but he had no idea how to start cleaning it up. All he could do was hold together the pieces   
and hope for the best. “Maybe you guys should talk. I know you went through a lot but so did he. I’m not defending him by any means, but he lost your mom too.”

“Yeah, well.” Dean took in a deep breath. Then he brought his fist down on the hood of the car, sending a loud ding through the air. Castiel jumped. 

“Dean.”

“I need a minute. Just, give me a minute.” Castiel didn’t move. Dean stood up straight and put on his best smile. Then he grabbed Castiel’s face in his hands and gently kissed him. It didn’t stay gentle for long. Within seconds, Dean’s fingers were tangled in Castiel’s mess of hair. Castiel bit his bottom lip and grabbed at his biceps. Dean wanted to lay him down on the hood of the car right then and there. Then someone coughed. The boys jumped apart faster than they thought possible. John was standing there with a look of disgust on his face and a bag of groceries in his arms. A thin, blonde woman stood beside him. She had Dean’s eyes. Unlike John, she was smiling. 

“Dean.”

“Ma.” He took the tiniest step forward before stopping and looking up at John. It looked to Castiel almost like he was asking for permission. The woman didn’t seem to care. She closed the distance quickly, taking Dean into her small arms and wrapping him up. Dean sank into the embrace, his head falling forward against her shoulder. When they pulled apart, they both seemed extremely reluctant to let the other go. She cupped Dean’s face and smiled. 

“You’ve grown.” 

“Less than an inch. It’s only been a few months.” 

“I wasn’t talking about your body, dear.” She kept her hand on his cheek but looked over at Castiel. Her smile grew. “You must be Castiel.”

Castiel stepped forward and offered his hands. He felt silly. “It’s nice to meet you Mrs. Winchester.”

“Oh, gosh. Just Mary.” She shook his hand and laughed. “I’ve only heard a little about you, but thank you.” 

“For what?”

“It seems like all sorts of things.” She put his hand on his cheek just like Dean’s, then glanced back at John. “My husband seems to think you make our boy happy. That’s enough.” 

“I should bring these inside.” John grumbled, lifting the bag up to show everyone. Dean gulped and Castiel felt something stir in the air. 

“Actually, dad. Can you wait a minute?” 

“Some of this needs to go in the fridge.”

“I’ll take it.” Mary said quickly, grabbing the bag from her husband. John stared down at his hands like he couldn’t believe what he had lost. 

“I’ll help you.” Castiel moved forward and opened the door for Mary. Dean waited until they were out of sight before stepping toward his father. 

“Dean. We aren’t fighting today. I promised your mother.”

“I promised Sam.” Dean said quietly, staring his father in the eye. Sam’s eyes. “When did you find out?”

“About what?”

“That I was. That I liked.” Dean looked at the ground and shuffled his feet. John, surprisingly, didn’t make him suffer.

“I never truly knew, Dean. It was more of a hunch. Since your junior year.”

“How?”

“You’re my son.” It was such a simple answer but it wasn’t enough for Dean. How dare he say that?

“I was. Why weren’t you my father?” Dean’s voice broke but it was nothing compared to John. His face crumbled and he took a step back, almost like he needed space for such   
an immense question. 

“I don’t know.” Dean wasn’t ready for that. He expected excuses, or a flat out denial. “Dean, I tried really hard. It didn’t look like it, but I did. Your mother was the one who saw the demons but she left me to deal with them. I know that wasn’t fair to you. I’m a fucking mess.”

“Yeah, well.” Dean sighed. “Does she know about Sam’s college fund?”

“I’m going to pay that back, Dean. We were late on rent and the bills.”

“What, the price of whiskey and beer starting to add up? Priorities, John.” It felt good to get that off his chest. Dean felt lighter. “How are you going to pay it back? It was thousands of dollars, John. Going to beg Bobby for help? Him and Ellen are already paying half of my schooling.”

“No, Dean. I got a second job.”

“Wow. When do you have time to drink?”

“Dean.”

“Don’t. Don’t say my name like I’m a child. I deserve to be angry.”

“Yeah, well. So do I.” They stared at each other, the ice cold air nothing compared to how they felt inside. “We ain’t going to fix anything today. Let’s just get this over with. Make it a good day for your ma.”

“Yeah.” Dean glanced at the truck he had punched a few minutes before. That felt like years ago. “Give him a chance. He might be your son in law someday.” John locked his   
jaw and glanced over at the house. Dean wasn’t sure if he said that just to piss him off or not. It didn’t matter. He just hoped it was true. 

“I don’t hate that you’re gay, Dean.” His voice was so light it felt like the wind. Dean heard him loud and clear. “I hate that you look like your mother. I hate that you never forgave me for losing you guys. I hate what happened to you in those foster homes. What you’ve been through. I hate that you are a sarcastic little brat who loves to push my buttons.” John smiled fondly at his son. Dean couldn’t remember the last time he looked like that. “I don’t hate that you’re gay.”

“Oh.” It’s all Dean could think to say. John nodded and looked back at the house. Dean followed his gaze and tried to breathe. “We should probably get inside. I don’t want Bobby to try and make any of the pies.” 

John’s laughed. “Your mother won’t let that happen.”


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been a while... forgive me :(

By the time turkey was in the oven, Dean had come to the conclusion that his life was now permanently different. Everyone was there now, filling the small house with laughter and noise. His mother had spent most of the day in the kitchen with him, kicking Bobby out before he could screw anything up. They talked for hours, about school, friends, and the fraternity. She talked about the hospital and how she had gone three months without an episode. She felt good about her new medication. They were even letting her lead group on Mondays. Dean talked about his relapse. He wanted to protect her from it but she could tell by the way he shook as he stirred the pie crust. Then they talked about Cas. 

He told her everything he could, hoping Castiel wouldn’t overhear. They talked about the way his eyes seemed to hold galaxies. His horrible taste in music. The fact that he made Dean feel calm. Feel whole. Dean hadn’t seen his mother smile so much in years. 

“I told Sam something the other day. It was super cheesy but I thought, maybe, that you’d appreciate it.” Dean blushed as he slipped the pie into the oven, one shelf above the turkey. Mary looked at him, waiting. “I compared Cas to your iced tea you used to make. You remember that?”

“Yes.” Her eyes lost focus for a moment and Dean worried that he said something wrong. They were told not to provoke her or upset her. He tried to think of some way to back track but then she smiled and focused back on him. “I forgot about that tea.”

“I didn’t.” Dean leaned against the counter. “I used to try and make it. Dad did too.”

“I remember. He was upset because it wasn’t a recipe. I just eyeballed everything.”

“His was terrible.” Dean laughed at the memory. Mary watched him for a moment before standing up straight. 

“I’ll teach you. I bet Bobby has the ingredients.”

“You remember?”

“Oh, of course. It was my mother’s tea before mine. It’s ingrained in my brain.”

“I would really like that.” Dean felt himself starting to choke up. He turned to the fridge and opened it. “What do we need?”

“Well,” the next twenty minutes passed easily. Dean wrote everything down on a spare notepad Bobby had lying around. He spilled sugar all over the floor and smiled when Mary giggled like a small child. By the time the pitcher was slipped into the fridge to cool, it was already time to start cooking.

Two people spilled into the kitchen and Dean had to look twice before believing his own eyes. John and Castiel were laughing at something, John holding his stomach as if he could contain the noise. Castiel had his hands in the air like he was in the middle of telling a story. They both stopped when they saw Dean and Mary. 

“Oh, sorry.” Castiel said quickly, his cheeks flushed bright red. “We were just going to throw the football outside. Sam and Jo are coming too.” Dean looked back and forth at them like they were unrecognizable. 

“I can come out soon. We’re almost done.” When they left the room he turned to his mother. Mary smiled politely. 

“He seems quite nice. I hope to spend some time with him as well.”

“I think he’d like that.” Dean glanced at the door, longing to go out and spend time with Castiel. At the same time, he needed time with his mother. She made the decision for him. 

“Why don’t you go? I’m just going to finish a few things and lie down for a bit. I’m a little tired.” 

“Are you sure? I don’t want you to have to do anything alone.”

“Oh, I’ll make Bobby help me. I miss that old crab.” She smiled and pushed Dean towards the door. He let her move him but paused when they reached it. 

“I’ve missed you, mom.”

“I’ve missed you too, my love. More than you will ever truly know.” She placed a kiss on his cheek. “Go have fun.”


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter my loves! I hope you enjoy, and once again forgive me for the slow updates. Life is crazy!!! Thank you for being loyal. It is 100% you guys who keep me coming back. Without you, I'd be a crazy person who speaks to characters in her head... it'd be awkward.

The relapse happens after the meal. It starts little, with subtle comments and sideways glances. By dessert, Mary is in a full-on panic. She believes John brought her there to die. She believes Dean and Sam aren’t real; figments of her wishful imagination. 

Dean tries to calm her down by reminding her of the iced tea. She doesn’t remember it. Castiel stands to the side, ready to catch Dean if he falls. “Mom. It’s me. It’s Dean.” He looks at her like a hopeful toddler; big green eyes swimming. It makes Castiel’s breath catch. 

“You’re not real.” She shakes her head violently, tears running down her cheeks. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry for killing you.”

“Mom, you didn’t kill us. Remember? You didn’t kill us.”

“I’m so sorry!” She starts slapping her forehead, the sound ringing around the room. John grabs her around the waist. 

“Mary, I’m here. I’m alive. Remember?”

“Don’t kill me. I know I killed them. I know. But don’t kill me, John. Please.” 

“Hon, I will never hurt you.”

“Why am I still seeing them? Why won’t they go away?”

John and Dean share a look. It’s filled with contempt, guilt, fear. No hope. Castiel walks forward, taking Dean’s hand in his. “I can’t leave her.” Dean whispers, already letting himself be pulled out of the room. Jess follows Castiel’s lead, taking Sam to the other room as well. The kitchen is full of leftovers and dirty dishes. 

Sam focuses on them, cleaning everything in sight to keep anyone from pointing out his tears. Dean does the opposite. He kicks the garbage over, much to Sam’s horror. The sound drowns out Mary’s screams for a few seconds. Then they get even louder. 

“Dean, please. Breathe.”

“Fuck off.” Dean pushes Castiel away, but it’s gentle and controlled. His body doesn’t slam into the counter, it’s placed there. The fingers around his biceps are loose. He rushes to the fridge and yanks it open, but there’s nothing in it he wants. Just iced tea. That god damn iced tea. He grabs the pitcher and throws it into the wall, finding momentary pleasure in the way it shatters. It doesn’t help anything. “Damnit! Fuck!” 

Dean’s voice is raw with emotion. Castiel wants so badly to hold him, like Jess is now holding Sam. But he’s not Sam. Dean doesn’t give in easily. There’s a knock on the door, interrupting the scene unfolding around half eaten turkey and dirty china. Two police officers let themselves in, along with a paramedic. 

Jess leads them into the living room, trying to explain the situation as quickly as possible. Bobby appears to usher the kids outside, but Dean won’t leave. He stays planted in front of the oven, firm and strong. “I want to help.”

“Dean.” Bobby grabs him by the shoulders. “She can’t see you. You’ll just make it worse.” 

The words take the air out of him, leaving his body to crumple to the floor. He’s in a puddle of iced tea, shards of glass around his feet. Both hands come up to his face, hiding the pain etched there. Castiel joins him, wrapping himself around his shaking body. “I’ve got you.” He whispers. The police come back through, the medic talking slowly to Mary as they drag her along. Castiel moves so Dean’s view is blocked. “I’ve got you.” He whispers again. “I’ve got you.”


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here's some smut for you guys. Enjoy (:

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PS: If you're interested in being a beta reader, comment below or send me a message on my tumblr. I could really use some help with a new story I'm working on!  
> Tumblr: http://destiel-love-forever.tumblr.com/

Dean disappears in the chaos of it all. Castiel turns around for a second, only to find the man who he thought he was keeping together, gone. He finds him on the roof, with a bottle of whiskey. God only knows where he got it. Castiel doesn’t really care. 

“Put it down, Dean.”

“No.” The word almost gets lost in the wind, a hopeless whisper in the night. 

“Did you drink it?”

“Not yet.” He inspects the bottle like it’s the sexiest thing he’s seen. “I think I might, though.”

“I hope you won’t.” Castiel sits beside him, hips just barely touching. 

“I haven’t yet.” He twists the cap. “Wanna know why?”

“Why?”

“You’ll leave me if I do.” His eyes meet Castiel’s, warm and bright and scared as hell. 

“I don’t think I’d be able to leave you, Dean Winchester.” Hope sparks inside those green eyes, but it’s dull. “I do hope you won’t drink it though.”

“What if I do?”

“Then I will be right here, beside you.”

“That’s enabling.” He says with a smirk, fingers still fiddling with the cap of the bottle. 

“No. That’s love.” Castiel places his hand over Dean’s. “Don’t drink it.”

“I have to do something. My skin is on fire. And my head is pounding.” He itches his forearm like there’s something beneath it. “I was keeping my body in check but I can’t do it anymore. I just, I fucking can’t, Cas.” 

“We’ll take your mind off it.” 

“How?”

Castiel rolls, his body covering Dean’s. The bottle slips and rolls off the roof, shattering on the ground below. Dean heaves forward like he’s going to grab it, even though it’s already long gone. “Leave it, baby.” 

“Sorry.” Dean lies back, his head resting on the tar tiles of the roof. 

“Don’t apologize. Just calm down.” Castiel strokes his cheek, loving the way his lips twitch into a content smile. “Let me take your mind off it.”

“Cas.”

“Shh.”

“Our first time cannot be on a dingy roof.”

“Shh.”

“Someone could see.”

“Dean Winchester. Since when are you the responsible one?”

He waits for a response but he’s met with a wicked smile instead. He takes the opportunity to explore the body beneath him, dragging his lips along Dean’s neck and across  
his collarbone. “So perfect.” He whispers against the skin. 

“Nothing perfect bout me.” Dean slurs, drunk off the good kind of drug now; lust. 

“You’re incredibly flawed and broken and jagged and I love every inch of it. You are perfect. You’re my perfect, okay?” He kisses his lips before he can argue. 

Suddenly, every move becomes frantic. Heavy. Necessary. The roof scratches the freckled skin of Dean’s back. Scratches the exposed knees of Castiel. Dean is flexible, wrapping his legs around Castiel’s neck. Castiel rises, dragging his body upward until his cock hovers at Dean’s mouth. His bright green eyes light up, a pink tongue darting out to lick its way up and down. 

“Fuck.” Castiel groans, moving his hips around in a circle. “What do you need from me?”

Dean doesn’t answer, his mouth now full. Instead, his hand searches for Castiel’s. He leads him to the crack between his cheeks, where his hole seems to flutter. Castiel brings his hand to his mouth, getting a finger wet before returning it to where Dean asked him to be. 

He’s met with resistance at first, then slides into tight heat. Dean groans, eyes rolling into the back of his head. He nips at the end of Castiel’s cock, like a little puppy trying to play. It drives Castiel crazy. Enough to add a second finger with the first, crooking and turning to try and find the right spot. Dean helps, grabbing his wrist and moving with him until they find it together. 

Dean’s entire body goes white hot when Castiel’s fingers graze the spot. He bucks over and over again, mind numb from the pleasure. He doesn’t care how desperate the action must seem. He doesn’t care that he probably looks like a total slut. Castiel doesn’t care either. He makes sure to hit that spot as hard as he can. “You want me to make you come like this? Or with my cock?”

“I don’t.” Dean shakes his head violently, words muffled from the thickness inside his mouth. “I can’t.” 

“You don’t have to choose.” Castiel whispers, smiling as his boy comes undone. “I’ll take care of you.”

“Cas.”

“Shh.” Castiel shoves further into his mouth, almost choking him. Dean doesn’t fight it. He opens himself to it, his hole fluttering around the fingers that aren’t enough. Castiel fills him with a third, hitting that spot harder. “You’re going to come for me. No decisions. No choices. You’re going to come, both holes filled with me, like a good boy.”

Dean nods quickly, moaning around the cock in his throat. “Come for me. Right now.” He shoves the fingers in harder, dragging them across that bundle of nerves one final time. Dean’s body tightens, then goes limp. His cock squirts up, hitting Castiel’s back. It runs down his spine, drying in the crook of it as it’s joined by a second and a third round. His hole clenches so hard Castiel can feel a heartbeat in his fingers. 

Dean picks his head up, letting Castiel slide further down his throat. He gags and coughs, but keeps him there, sucking and bobbing as hard as he can. His big green eyes stare up at the man above him, like he’s found his saving his grace. His angel. It’s the last thing he thinks before his mouth is filled with white salt, warm and soothing on the tongue.


End file.
